Call Us: 423 661-4734 | Email: requests@comeandreason.com      
Help with My Daughter

Help with My Daughter

My 40 year old  daughter, first born of three daughters, was told by a pastor she and her husband were seeing for marriage counseling, that she has a “Supine” personality…

She is intelligent, and a very caring and giving person, but also seems to expect the “princess” treatment; having others wait on her or do things so she can do what she wants to do or not do what she doesn’t want to do.  For example, while she, her husband and family were staying with us for two months, while on furlough from mission service, she was going through some books she planned to use to home school her children.  I stopped by the room she was using and she mentioned she was sore from sitting so long.  I suggested that she might like to take a break and take her four children to the park, which is adjacent to our house.  She said that she didn’t like going to the park because wasn’t fun for her so didn’t and seemed somewhat peeved that I would make the suggestion.  I fixed nearly all of the meals while they were with us, her husband made sure the children were up and fed, helped clean up after meals, got the children bathed at night, story read and put to bed—their 11-year old daughter did all the laundry for the family of six (washed, dried, folded).  She has great potential and ideas, but has a hard time following through, or getting from idea to completion—lots of projects started, few finished.

Question:  How do I deal with and help a person like this? (I sent her a copy of your book, Could It Be This Simple?) Thank you for your response. I listen to your program Simple Solutions on LifeTalk Radio.

Thanks for your question and for listening to our radio program.


Regarding your daughter there are a couple of possibilities that need to be considered. The first issue to explore is the possibility your daughter may suffer from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – Inattentive Type (ADHD). This type of ADHD does not have hyperactivity, fidgetiness and impulsivity as a primary problem. Instead, the inattentive type has procrastination, disorganization, starting multiple projects, but inability to complete them, easy distractibility, moodiness and irritability, poor planning, easily bored, and little interest in others. The primary dysfunction is biological impairment of prefrontal cortex function. This is the part of the brain right behind the forehead. For more information on ADHD [click here] to read my blog on ADHD.

Your daughter could benefit from a professional evaluation and if she does have ADHD, then the only intervention that shows improvement in the core symptoms is pharmacological intervention. If she does have ADHD and she gets on the right meds she may discover marked improvement in her ability to function (complete tasks, stable mood, better organization, planning, initiative, etc). So one way you could help your daughter would be to provide her information on ADHD and suggest she might want to get an evaluation. But remember, you cannot enforce a healthy outcome (if you would like a list of symptoms of ADHD see the National Institute of Mental Health website on ADHD).

If your daughter does not have ADHD or any other psychiatric disorder, then the possibility exists she has developed poor habits of self-governance and has learned how to manipulate those around her to take over her responsibilities. If this is the case, then you must remember where you have authority and where you do not. You have authority only over yourself and the resources you own. You do not have authority to impose any change on your daughter, only she, through God’s grace and power, can change herself.

With this in mind, Paul’s advice to the Thessalonians highlights an important principle: “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” (2Thes 3:10). Paul is speaking about those who are clearly capable of providing for themselves, those who are not handicapped, those who have the means and capacity to shoulder their own responsibilities of life, but who choose not to. He is speaking of people who seek to exploit others, take advantage of others, burden others with their care when they are capable of providing for themselves. In such circumstances, rather than a lecture, simply let natural consequences take their toll – let them reap what they sow. If they don’t work, they don’t eat, and a powerful lesson is learned – behavior has consequences!

This principle can be utilized with those in our lives who do not suffer with a disorder or disability which impairs their ability to provide for self yet who seek to shift the burdens of life off onto others. This principle can also be employed with those who do have disabilities, but magnify the extent to which the disability impairs their function and therefore they don’t do all they are actually capable of doing for themselves.

In such circumstances, we must remember that our primary concern is not that we are being taken advantage of, but the person we love (your daughter) is ruining her own character by avoiding her duties in life. If loving counsel has not rectified the problem, then, in love, we set boundaries in which the individual experiences the consequence of their own negligence without rescue from others in their environment. In other words, let her go hungry.

In this case the husband needs to take action to help set healthy boundaries within the home to prevent the children from being unduly exploited by a self-centered mother (again assuming there is no ADHD or other illness preventing healthy function). If this is truly due to unremedied selfishness, then, when the husband attempts to set healthy boundaries, he is likely to experience an onslaught of emotional hail (criticism, crying, pouting, yelling, name-calling, guilt inducing statements, anger, threats of divorce and never seeing the children again, etc.) all designed to drive him off his healthy stance and get him to acquiesce to her unhealthy demands.

If this occurs, then his only healthy course is to say to his wife, “If you need to (pout, yell, be angry or whatever she does) right now, you are certainly free to do so, but it will not change the decision I have made, so take all the time you need, but once you are done we are still going forward as I have outlined. If you believe there is some reason why this course is unhealthy, then I am eager to hear any healthy discussion of this issue.” And then he lets her rant without in any way attempting to sooth, calm or fix her.

Finally, continue to pray that God’s agencies will intervene in your daughter’s life to bring opportunities for her continued growth in His grace.

Email me the blog whenever a new one is published.

Donate online, securely via PayPal using your credit or debit card (no PayPal account needed, unless you want to set up a monthly, recurring payment).


cancel recurring payment

 

Want to use zelle instead?
See how on our
Support and Donations page.

Upcoming Events

calendar

Testimonial Post Slider

Testimony 64

I’ve been reading the bible and walking with Jesus since I was around 16. I’m 42 now. I’ve mostly been alone in my walk although I went to several churches in different denominations. For the past 3 years God has been showing me His character of agape. It’s been a blessing and changed how I view God and my walk with Jesus. About a year ago I came across the power of love and the principles of design law. These teachings changed how I read scripture and have been such a beautiful blessing. I’m very excited and grateful for these truths. We share these truths of agape, design law and the reality of the principles of the two trees in the garden of Eden with people on Facebook and YouTube. People all over are learning to trust God and His agape design law which makes life possible. Thank you for everything you shared with me. May God continue to bless your ministry and lives.

Bradley M., Hinsdale, NY, USA

 

Testimony 67

I was introduced to Come And Reason by a friend of my mother-in-law, who gave me several CD’s of Dr. Jennings. The clarity of the message and recognition that God’s is a God of love was so clear, advancing beyond Dr. Maxwell’s message. However, grappled with Maxwell saying God used emergency measures for the fallen world. Now after several years of being a regular listener of the Come And Reasoning bible study class and attending Jennings’ meetings in Dallas/Fort Worth, TX, things are becoming clearer for me. Design law versus imposed law has added so much to my personal understanding of theology. This message has really impacted my work in counseling so many people miserable because they are searching for and trusting human governments to create order and peace or believing in a God who says love Me or I will kill you. I am grateful that I have an alternative view to offer my clients that makes sense. I teach a bible study class on a semi-regular basis and I value the materials that Come And Reason so freely offers to aid me in presenting this vital message. Thank you for continuing to provide advancement in our very limited understanding of a Infinite God that is rational and believable.

Dr. Roger D, Arlington, TX, USA

 

Testimony 26

Your teachings about our heavenly Father have changed my life. Thank you sooooooo very very much! I know He’s doing some serious healing in my heart and life and I look forward to each new day to learn something new about Him and to just hear you speak about Him. Thank you, forever.

Nancy S.

 

Testimony 68

Your message of design law vs imperial law is so uplifting and makes so much sense- it is a game changer for me. The fact that Jesus’s death is not a big payment by an angry God is , quite frankly, a relief.

Laura G., London, Ontario, Canada

 

Testimony 61

I grew up in a prominent protestant church and had what I like to call religious anxiety. I’ve always had questions about God and Salvation that no one could seem to answer.  I didn’t know how to find resolution. During 2020, at the height of my anxiety, I fell to my knees and begged God to show me truth and light and to give me the hope that I’ve been longing for. Days later, I stumbled upon your online videos and it was like a veil was lifted and EVERYTHING made sense! For the first time in my almost 39 years of life, my religious/spiritual anxiety has lessened. I feel a sense of freedom and peace I’ve NEVER had before… and it’s all because my view of God has changed. Thank you!

Ashleighn C.

 

Testimony 20

I just wanted to personally thank you for your teachings and insight into scripture. I came across your website via my cousin who suggested I look into “Healing the Mind” information. My youngest daughter has been struggling over the last couple of years and it all came to a head this spring. When I started listening to the “Healing the Mind” lectures my own life began to be transformed. I began sharing with all my daughters the concepts you laid out so clearly. I ordered your book and soaked it up. I just want to say “Thank You!” My walk with the Lord has been refreshed and renewed. Your obedience to the Lord is a blessing to so many.

R. K., Anderson, SC, USA

 

Testimony 35

I am so pleased with the response your message is receiving at my church from the middle-aged to the young adults. I have given out 100 copies of the first two seminars and there are more request every week. One of my [class members] came to me after viewing the series, grateful and impressed with how easy the message was retained. He had been a Seventh-day Adventist in fear all his life, and felt like the scales were removed from his eyes after viewing the seminars. I am so impressed by the change I see in members who have received this message, we are in one accord. However, I am sadden by the negative response of the older people. I am verbally attacked anytime I talk about imposed laws, but I believe my mission is to enlightened everyone I can. I watch your Bible Study Class on YouTube every Friday night and I feel like I am apart of the class. All of you are in one accord and I am so blessed to have found you. I pray that all of you continue to spread this message and I am committed to doing my part.

Clara S., Westfield, MA, USA

 

Testimony 44

We were given a gift of the DVD set, “God and Your Brain,” and we just finished watching it. The truths in this are so powerful and truly an answer to a prayer. We’re seeing hope where once we thought God wasn’t answering our prayers to be free of certain mindsets. He answered with these DVDs and we are hungry for more. Thank you!

Daniel T., Easley, SC, USA

 

Testimony 10

I personally download and listen to each of Come And Reason Ministries Bible study class lessons and PDF study notes to use when teaching my class. Really appreciate the class especially when Dr. Jennings is teaching. Thank God there are persons like him doing His work and traveling to share His beliefs.

B. L.M., North Plains, OR, USA

 

Testimony 69

After reading your book, ‘Could It Be This Simple,’ someone was explaining Christianity in a way that made sense to me for the first time in my life. One morning, I simply prayed “I’m sorry and I love you.” As soon as I silently said that, I could literally feel God’s presence and light flood down on me from above and fill me up with love and joy. I sat there crying my eyes out, because I was so overpowered with this feeling of love and joy. It was just so incredible. I hope that more people can read this book and get a blessing from it. It’s really amazing.

Rachael H.

Testimony 8

Thank you for the ministry you are sharing with us, it is a real blessing to us and especially to my husband and myself! You are encouraging us to think for ourselves and not just to except everything, without thinking it through, with God’s word!

M.K., USA

 

Testimony 59

I’m a native Ghanan, but am currently in France for my master’s degree. Prior to this, during my final years at undergraduate studies in Ghana, I was introduced to your ministry and I’ve been immensely blessed by what you share, especially about the Design and Imposed Laws. God richly bless you for that.

One of the first things I did when I arrived in France was to buy all four of your books. They not only helped me, but those I shared them with. I shared the message with an atheist student and I marveled at how God worked mightily in his life. Today this person shares the Love of God with others and debunks theories of who God is not. I want to share what you present in your “Heavenly Sanctuary and Investigative Judgment” pamphlet, because the message brought rest to my soul and I live today as a healthy person.

God bless you so much and your ministry.

Michael A., Ghana

 

Testimony 6

I got the book “Could It Be This Simple?” a few months ago and the reading was wonderful and I was fascinated. I lent the book to a friend at work. She is having a difficult time and the book is helping her to find Jesus and I found this very exciting. She has asked me questions and I can see her life changing.

H. S., Australia

 

Testimony 63

I’ve been very blessed by “The God Shaped Brain” and this ministry, through video and podcast, over the last few years. It’s truly opened up my eyes more to the truth about God and the importance of that truth in the present world. The message is so inviting, freeing and enlightening and MORE people need to know about it. I believe it is the last message that can truly, not only prepare a people for salvation and translation, but vindicate the character of God.

Michael V., Yonkers, NY, USA

 

Testimony 57

You have helped make sense of thirty two years of confusion. The material you freely provide reorganized so much of my life into such a beautiful pattern that has always been hinted at from within, but misguided with my training and what I was experiencing externally. My filipno parents, who were converted from Catholicism to SDA, were sincere and did their best to raise me the right way and I have deep respect for them. However, being immigrants and not understanding the language made for a difficult transition as I was growing up, which also applied to my spiritual growth as I learned the patterns of religion. I have been listening to as many bible study classes and reading blog posts as my time in a work truck will allow, searching for the practical applications of where spirituality and reality meet, and I thank you for helping me find that. You have helped me reach a point in which I can truly say that I love God, that I believe He loves me, and, like David, I delight in His law. God bless.

Emmanuel V., Calgary, AB Canada