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Top 10 Ways To Establish a Healthy Marriage

Top 10 Ways To Establish a Healthy Marriage

10) Have your prospective spouse meet your family and friends and get feedback from them:

During the dating process emotions generally are intense, deep and passionate. Oxytocin and dopamine are surging, which give us that giddy sense of pleasure, happiness and joy.

However, these same changes in brain chemistry can interfere with objective thinking and ability to accurately assess a prospective life partner. One way to guard against overly emotional decision making is to include the perspectives of people you know, love and trust, people who you know love you and have your best interest at heart. Hear their feedback, insights, concerns, or affirmations and then carefully evaluate their feedback in light of the evidence and act on the evidence.

9) Same Religion, Belief System or Philosophy of Life:

Our beliefs influence our habits, choices, and daily home routines. A committed Christian may want to go to church and raise their children with Bible stories and Christian education. Whereas, an agnostic, or non-committed Christian, may prefer to go to ball games, work around the house and not attend church on weekends, not have Bible stories in the home and not spend money on Christian education or donate to church charities. Such differences can be a source of conflict and strife in a marriage. Choosing someone who shares the same philosophy increases the likelihood of harmony in the home.

8) Compatibility IQ:

Choose a life partner who has a compatible intelligence level, a person who can appreciate and comprehend what you think and the way you think. When a drastic disparity exists in intelligence, one risks becoming disinterested and slowly disengaging conversation, sharing ideas, and exploring insights because the other one “just doesn’t understand.” This often results in not feeling valued, appreciated or loved, which generates feelings of hurt and anger. Because we naturally seek to share our thoughts, insights, and ideas with others, when our spouse is incapable of understanding then another may be found with whom to talk, confide or share ideas, which can undermine the strength of the marriage and forge bonds with another.

7) Shared Lifestyle:

Relationships grow as we share life experiences together. If we choose a life partner with whom we share little in common, and thus during the course of the marriage each partner does activities either alone or with someone other than their spouse, the marriage risks fracturing as the two slowly grow apart. Conversely, as life experiences are shared, these shared experiences continue to bond the partners together and grow the relationship into deeper levels of connectedness. Additionally, choose a partner who shares your style in diet, exercise, dress and health habits. If you enjoy a glass of wine with dinner but your potential spouse is a teetotaler, or you don’t smoke but your future partner does, or you are vegetarian but your love interest enjoys meat, the future home life is at increased risk for long-term tension and conflict. This can be avoided by choosing a partner who shares your lifestyle.

6) Common Vision and Life Goals:

What is your vision for your life and family? Where do you want to live? Is your goal to become wealthy, raise a family, have pets, live on a farm, enjoy city living, be a missionary, own your own business, or be a church worker? If your life goals conflict with the life goals of your potential partner, then conflict could develop over whose life goals take priority. If both goals cannot be realized, then one partner will have to surrender their dreams/goals, which may generate disappointment, dissatisfaction, or resentment. A shared vision and goal allows spouses to work together as a team through life rather than, what can seem like, opposition to each other.

5) Agreement on Children and Child Rearing Principles:

I have had a number of couples come to see me who have experienced stress in their marriage because one spouse wanted children, while the other did not. Generally, if a person feels strongly one way or the other in regard to having children that attitude doesn’t change after marriage. If disagreement exists, then one partner will necessarily be dissatisfied. This can lead to a great sense of loss at not having children, or irritation, or loss of love of the spouse. Either way, such a relationship is set up for resentment and conflict. Additionally, children in such homes often suffer in atmospheres where the parents are at odds with each other, and the children may be blamed for the marital discord. Also, unity in parenting practices reduces points of conflict and contributes to greater team work within the marriage.

4) Create a List of Non-Negotiable Qualifications for Your Life Partner:

Before dating, first identify the non-negotiable qualifications a person must possess in order to be qualified to be your life partner. These are qualities that if the person doesn’t possess, would cause you to be dissatisfied and result in you trying to invest them with those qualities. For instance, if you are a Christian dating a non-Christian would you try to “convert” them? If so, being a Christian is a non-negotiable quality that you require in a life partner in order for you to be satisfied with them. If they don’t possess this quality you will begin trying to change your spouse to “fit” your parameters. This generally never works. People are who they are. It is wiser to understand what qualities you demand of a life partner and then, when dating, evaluate whether the person possesses those qualities or not, than to marry someone without those qualities and spend your energy trying to change them to fit your expected mold.

One non-negotiable qualification for everyone is – your life partner must genuinely like you for who you are. If they don’t like you for who you are then they are not qualified to be your life partner.

3) Be Yourself:

The only way you will know if the person you are dating genuinely likes you for who you are, and therefore meets that qualification, is to be yourself. Never pretend to be someone or something your not. Don’t try and figure out what the other person wants and act in ways to please them, simply be yourself and evaluate whether the person you are dating likes you, or instead tries to change you. If they try and change you simply say, “Thanks for letting me know you are not qualified to be with me,” and move on!

2) Be Honest:

Far too many people are so afraid of hurting someone’s feelings that they fail to be honest. If your partner asks whether you like their new hairstyle, don’t lie. If you don’t like the hairstyle graciously, but honestly, let them know your preferences. If a certain meal is cooked and you don’t particularly enjoy it, affirm them for the cooking, but be honest about your taste preferences. Why is this important? Because if you are graciously honest about the things you don’t like, when you do tell your partner their hair looks great, or they looking amazing in that suit, or that meal was wonderful they will know you really mean it. But, if you always say you like everything, even when you don’t, your affirmations will become meaningless and your partner will lose confidence in your ability to be truthful. It will also send a message that you think so poorly of your partner that you either don’t trust them enough to handle the truth, or don’t respect them enough to be truthful with them. Learning to be honest may have moments of disappointment, but over the long haul will result in a much healthier marriage with enhanced respect and more meaningful affirmations.

1) Be Healthy:

Healthy relationships require healthy people! Therefore, the number one action you can take to ensure a healthy marriage is to do all in your power, through God’s grace, to be emotionally and spiritually healthy. Being emotionally and spiritually healthy changes the filters that are used when evaluating others. What you find attractive changes as you get healthier and more mature. Becoming healthy not only allows you to interact in healthy ways, but changes who you find attractive enough to date. In other words, a healthier person generally dates healthier people.

Marriage can be one of God’s greatest blessings, or one of sins greatest cursings, depending upon whom one marries. By being thoughtful, patient, and intentional in your decisions, by including evidence and facts and not relying solely on feelings you can markedly increase the likelihood of establishing a healthy marriage.

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Testimony 7

Ok, so last night I listened to “The Law of Liberty” and “How to Achieve Victory: Freedom, Truth and Spirtual Warfare.” These are both MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITES so far! The logic is just soooooo beautiful. I had to re-listen to them a couple of times. I just want to EXPLODE! (<< we assume with joy and happiness)

N. B., Canada

 

Testimony 54

I had a lot of pressure, as a pastor’s kid, to conform and be “good.” I was good at being “good.” I thought my life was going along well until it all started falling apart and I could not figure out why! In my search for “why is this happening to me, God?” I came across your book, “Could it be this Simple,” and God started revealing to me the many distortions I held about His character, His principles, and how He has designed His universe to operate. I remember thinking, “Wow, I have had this all backwards.” I was happy and angry all at the same time. Happy to have the light of truth break through the darkness, revealing a wonderful, beautiful way of understanding God and His plan for His children, and angry, because I felt deceived and cheated by the church, my family, and myself!

My heart thrills when I listen to your bible study lessons. Literally I have gone from death to life. It is a journey I look forward to every day, as God reveals areas this distortion affects. Praise GOD! I will ever be grateful to God for this ministry and your cooperation with the Spirit!

Karen S., Portal, AZ, USA

 

Testimony 49

I came into the church at 21, but that is as far as it went. I was so confused about what love is. I couldn’t find it in the bible, because I am not a person that can read between the lines. I have no logic. I have read many, many books; trying to figure out the crux of the matter. They were helpful, but something was still missing. I have become very frustrated to the point of crying out to God, “Where can I go?”  I needed some basics.

I found two books, written by Timothy Jennings, MD, to be very helpful. God showed me that I had lived my whole life in fear. I didn’t even see it. Now, I do. God is so good.  I discovered the “The Remedy”  Dr. Jennings new book, “The God-Shaped Heart!” Oh, I was so excited, I purchased them right away.

I can get rid of most of my books, because “The Remedy” brings the Love of God out so clearly, even I can’t miss it. Now, I want to sit and read my Bible. Wow, what a revelation! It is just simply Awesome! I am so grateful to Jehovah Almighty for hearing my prayer for more understanding! I am so encouraged!

Jackie S.

 

Testimony 41

I have been blessed by your ministry. I have experienced personally, and deeply resonate with, the God of love and the beautiful picture of God’s character that you present. I have seen your seminar series on YouTube, read ‘The Journal of the Watcher’ book, used your mobile app, and also listen/study the bible study lesson with you each week. I concur with many of the thoughts and perspectives that you share. I understand your conclusions on natural laws vs imposed law and the legal/penal substitution (incorrect diagnosis). This makes perfect sense to me.

Bless you for all you do.

Melissa L.

 

Testimony 64

I’ve been reading the bible and walking with Jesus since I was around 16. I’m 42 now. I’ve mostly been alone in my walk although I went to several churches in different denominations. For the past 3 years God has been showing me His character of agape. It’s been a blessing and changed how I view God and my walk with Jesus. About a year ago I came across the power of love and the principles of design law. These teachings changed how I read scripture and have been such a beautiful blessing. I’m very excited and grateful for these truths. We share these truths of agape, design law and the reality of the principles of the two trees in the garden of Eden with people on Facebook and YouTube. People all over are learning to trust God and His agape design law which makes life possible. Thank you for everything you shared with me. May God continue to bless your ministry and lives.

Bradley M., Hinsdale, NY, USA

 

Testimony 57

You have helped make sense of thirty two years of confusion. The material you freely provide reorganized so much of my life into such a beautiful pattern that has always been hinted at from within, but misguided with my training and what I was experiencing externally. My filipno parents, who were converted from Catholicism to SDA, were sincere and did their best to raise me the right way and I have deep respect for them. However, being immigrants and not understanding the language made for a difficult transition as I was growing up, which also applied to my spiritual growth as I learned the patterns of religion. I have been listening to as many bible study classes and reading blog posts as my time in a work truck will allow, searching for the practical applications of where spirituality and reality meet, and I thank you for helping me find that. You have helped me reach a point in which I can truly say that I love God, that I believe He loves me, and, like David, I delight in His law. God bless.

Emmanuel V., Calgary, AB Canada

Testimony 4

I’m a youth leader in South Africa. We as a youth group are currently using a lot of the material on the Come and Reason site. Since we’ve started using the material, our youth group has grown.

R. V. N., South Africa

 

Testimony 73

I have been truly blessed by your blogs and other resources. They have helped me to see things in a much brighter light and to reason things out better. Thank you so much for your ministry. Whenever I have the opportunity I pass along your material to my friends.

R. Noseworthy, Newfoundland, Canada

Testimony 1

Thank you! I love listening to the Come And Reason Ministries Bible study classes and am using some of your notes to get the lessons together that I will be teaching. You always have such good quotes and Bible texts and pull things together to make good sense.

T. C., IN, USA

 

Testimony 43

Two years ago I stumbled upon your book, “Could It Be This Simple,” and then found “The God-Shaped Brain” videos on YouTube, your bible study class, and the ‘Come And Reason’ mobile app. I shared your book with a friend and after nine months of showing love, patience, and kindness this person has been changed by the love of God, too. The same love that healed me, I now express to other women in tangible ways, such as to a Baptist woman with high anxiety and childhood trauma. She was extremely happy and relieved when I shared about the so-called “judgment of God” and burning in hell. She had no desire to serve a God that was so harsh. I have repeated the phrase dozens of times to her. “What we believe has power over us, but we have power over what we believe…”

This message that you are sharing has changed my life. I will continue to serve other women and bring this message of God’s healing love to their lives by sharing your books, YouTube videos, and The Remedy Bible app. Keep up the good work. Don’t be discouraged. God is doing a mighty work in and through this ministry!

Jill L., Midwest, USA

 

Testimony 44

We were given a gift of the DVD set, “God and Your Brain,” and we just finished watching it. The truths in this are so powerful and truly an answer to a prayer. We’re seeing hope where once we thought God wasn’t answering our prayers to be free of certain mindsets. He answered with these DVDs and we are hungry for more. Thank you!

Daniel T., Easley, SC, USA

 

Testimony 13

I borrowed “Healing The Mind” DVDs from a friend and showed them at my home for a small gathering of women friends. Neither of my friends are Adventist, but they both enjoyed and embraced the messages you taught. In fact, one of the ladies prayed out loud in our group and that was the first time she had ever had public prayer.

J.B. ,Dalles, OR, USA

 

Testimony 27

Your teachings about our heavenly Father have changed my life. Thank you sooooooo very very much! I know He’s doing some serious healing in my heart and life and I look forward to each new day to learn something new about Him and to just hear you speak about Him. Thank you, forever.

Nancy S.

 

Testimony 32

The message [of Come And Reason Ministries is] for all Christians (and those who may become Christians) and not just Adventists or any other group. It is difficult to imagine why any [anyone] with intellectual and spiritual honesty could find fault with the way you explained the healing substitution concepts and the truth about God’s character, though I know some will reject and criticize. On behalf of those in our group near Tacoma, WA, thank you and your staff for all of the hard work and for sharing the Gospel in this manner. God’s message of healing love will be carried to the whole world and then Jesus will come – He promised it.

Terry U., Tacoma, WA, USA

 

Testimony 53

I was so blessed by a friend who gave me your book, “The God Shaped Brain,” while I was sitting in church asking God to please help me learn more about Him and help me not to be so confused and scared. That was about 2 years ago. Your books have helped me to love God even more. I’m not confused or scared anymore! I have listened to all of your bible study classes and feel like I know the wonderful people that attend every week. Thank you for all that you’re doing in spreading the true message about God and His law of love. God bless you and your whole class.

Elssy P., Modesto, CA, USA