Call Us: 423 661-4734 | Email: requests@comeandreason.com      
Should Wives Submit to Their Husbands?

Should Wives Submit to Their Husbands?

My daughter is in a relationship and is hoping to get married, but her Fiance and her have different views on what it means for wives to be submissive to their husbands.

  Also the fiance showed her texts in Corinthians which says that women should remain quiet in church, and if they have a question they should wait until  they reach home to ask their husbands about it.  I know we serve a fair and loving God so I desperately need clarification on why would God gave these instructions for women.

What does it mean for wives to be submissive to their husbands, and could you please relate this to our present time.

CA


Thanks for sending this question.  I receive similar questions from all around the country and I know, on a broader scale, many young people wonder how to find a good match to be their life partner.

First, before we can understand what Paul is dealing with in the New Testament, we must understand God’s original design for marriage, then we can comprehend what God is trying to accomplish in this world of sin.

In Genesis 2:18, before sin entered the world God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Sadly, too many men through history have interpreted this to mean that women were created to be man’s cook, laundry washer, bucket carrier and overall assistant to do what man wanted to do.  But this is a gross error.

Adam was made in God’s image and God is love (1John4:8). The Bible tells us that Godlike love is “not self-centered” (1Cor 13:5). God wanted Adam to enter into, as far as a created being could, the fullness of the love that exists between the Godhead. Therefore, Eve was created to be the object of Adam’s love, someone for Adam to serve, someone for Adam to pour himself into, someone for Adam to sacrifice himself for. Adam could not enter into the fullness of godly love without Eve to give himself to. And Eve was to receive Adam’s love and let it flow through her and give of herself to build up Adam; a perpetual circle of giving, love, and beneficence; a true revelation of God-like love!

Sin fractured this divine relationship and infected the heart and mind of mankind with selfishness. No longer would men and women naturally nor automatically seek to love one another, but would instead seek to put self first, because the heart was now infected with self-interest, fear, and selfishness.  In this emergency circumstance God made an emergency intervention. He increased in woman the desire for relationships such that when two selfish people within a marriage relationship disagree the woman would be more likely to “give in” on the disagreement in order to save the relationship (Genesis 3:16). This emergency intervention allowed marriages to continue in a world marred by sin giving time for God to heal the damage and restore us into His original ideal. But we need to recognize clearly that any subordination of one partner to the other was not part of God’s original design nor is it part of His solution.

Therefore, as we experience more and more of God’s healing power in our lives, as selfishness is purged and love is restored within the marriage relationship, we become more and more like God’s original ideal – true and genuine equality as each partner sacrifices themselves to uplift the other, to promote the welfare of the other, and to protect the other. Any teaching which perpetuates inequality of moral worth or ability in God’s design or service misrepresents God and works against God’s plan to heal mankind back to His original ideal. It is an abuse of Scripture to use it in an attempt to subordinate wives under the control of the husband, because Scripture says:

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:21-25

Please notice the first instruction is for both husband and wife to submit “to each other,” not one over the other. Then Paul goes on to say that wives are to submit to their husbands, but the husband is to treat the wife as Christ treats the church and sacrificed himself for her. Thus, the Bible is teaching that wives are not to submit blindly to the leadership of their husbands, but are to submit to Christlike treatment from their husbands. And how did Christ treat his bride, the church? He led by example, presenting truth in love and leaving people free to think and decide for themselves. Christ gave of Himself. He came not to be served but to serve. He sacrificed Himself for the church. Thus a husband who wants to use this passage to invoke submission from his wife first needs to be like Jesus, putting his wife first, building her up, promoting her welfare, happiness, and dreams, using Christlike methods of presenting truth in love and leaving her free, ultimately sacrificing his happiness, his very life if necessary, to protect his wife.

In my experience I have never found a woman who was not eager to submit to such absolute selfless love from their husbands.

My counsel to your daughter – call off the engagement. Step back and reevaluate her fiancés fitness for marriage. Ask her to define the qualifications a man must possess in order to be qualified to be her husband. Ask your daughter this:  Does she want a husband who won’t respect her individuality, seeks to command her submission, who will use power and coercive pressure to override her God-given identity and ability to reason and think? Does she want a marriage in which freedoms are undermined under the guise of “godliness?”  Such marriages are gross counterfeits to the beauty of God’s ideal for marriage in which individuality is respected and each partner works with all their God-given ability to promote the growth, health, and happiness of the other and each would rather die than restrict the liberty of the other!

When we really love like Jesus loved we, want what is best for the other person, not what makes us feel good. If a woman is in a relationship with a man who mistreats his wife by being domineering, overriding her individuality, coercing her to conform to his will, then not only is the wife being damaged in this relationship, not only is love being exterminated, but the husband is damaging his own mind as well. If the wife loves the husband (if your daughter loves her fiancé), then she wants to see him grow up into the full stature of Christlikeness, which means seeing him love like Jesus loves. Therefore, in love she needs to step back and resist attempts by her fiancé/husband to control her, dominate her, or forcefully subordinate her. The submission of God is the submission of voluntary, freely-given love, serving each other in love. It never possesses attributes of control, domination, or overruling authority.

I pray the Holy Spirit may give you, your daughter, and her fiancé wisdom to know and experience His perfect healing love!

Email me the blog whenever a new one is published.

Donate online, securely via PayPal using your credit or debit card (no PayPal account needed, unless you want to set up a monthly, recurring payment).


cancel recurring payment

 

Want to use zelle instead?
See how on our
Support and Donations page.

Upcoming Events

calendar

Testimonial Post Slider

Testimony 49

I came into the church at 21, but that is as far as it went. I was so confused about what love is. I couldn’t find it in the bible, because I am not a person that can read between the lines. I have no logic. I have read many, many books; trying to figure out the crux of the matter. They were helpful, but something was still missing. I have become very frustrated to the point of crying out to God, “Where can I go?”  I needed some basics.

I found two books, written by Timothy Jennings, MD, to be very helpful. God showed me that I had lived my whole life in fear. I didn’t even see it. Now, I do. God is so good.  I discovered the “The Remedy”  Dr. Jennings new book, “The God-Shaped Heart!” Oh, I was so excited, I purchased them right away.

I can get rid of most of my books, because “The Remedy” brings the Love of God out so clearly, even I can’t miss it. Now, I want to sit and read my Bible. Wow, what a revelation! It is just simply Awesome! I am so grateful to Jehovah Almighty for hearing my prayer for more understanding! I am so encouraged!

Jackie S.

 

Testimony 45

I have been confused for years about what [christianity] calls [its] most disgusting teaching. It has never made much sense to me and for that reason has been evermore empty. I have listened to your class off and on and have struggled determining what is truth, because of the resistance design law encounters in the church. So, I thank God for your ministry. What you teach makes sense. It’s logical and backed up by the power of love. I have never seen that in Christ until now. I am astounded by the insight that is found when we look at God’s ministry through design law. All strength to this message, as I believe it to be the power of God.

Brendon S.

 

Testimony 70

I have been watching you for many years and have learned to love God with all my heart. I was raised by a loving Christian mother that had been lied to about who God really was, so our religious upbringing was hell fire and damnation. As soon as I was old enough and moved out, I not only left the church, I ran as fast as I could to get away from it. Sad to say, it wasn’t until the past couple of years that I learned and understand who my Father really is and how much He loves me. I understand God’s Design Laws (which make sense) and when I’m teaching my church Bible study class, I’m able to really put to use the things I’ve been learning and Holy Spirit is leading. Thank you for introducing me to my Father of true, pure love. Everyday with Him is new and exciting. One thing that breaks my heart is that I didn’t know Him sooner. God Bless you and your ministry!

Judy Phelps, Reno, NV, USA

Testimony 67

I was introduced to Come And Reason by a friend of my mother-in-law, who gave me several CD’s of Dr. Jennings. The clarity of the message and recognition that God’s is a God of love was so clear, advancing beyond Dr. Maxwell’s message. However, grappled with Maxwell saying God used emergency measures for the fallen world. Now after several years of being a regular listener of the Come And Reasoning bible study class and attending Jennings’ meetings in Dallas/Fort Worth, TX, things are becoming clearer for me. Design law versus imposed law has added so much to my personal understanding of theology. This message has really impacted my work in counseling so many people miserable because they are searching for and trusting human governments to create order and peace or believing in a God who says love Me or I will kill you. I am grateful that I have an alternative view to offer my clients that makes sense. I teach a bible study class on a semi-regular basis and I value the materials that Come And Reason so freely offers to aid me in presenting this vital message. Thank you for continuing to provide advancement in our very limited understanding of a Infinite God that is rational and believable.

Dr. Roger D, Arlington, TX, USA

 

Testimony 28

I have been following your Bible study class for about a year now. I must say I am impressed with how your ministry has grown. I took it upon myself to listen to all your lesson podcasts from the past and they have both enriched me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I have learnt a lot from this class. I have also noticed how the class has grown in spiritual strength. One of the things that benefited me is that now I am not afraid of God. I use to be, but now it has melted away. The second thing is that you helped me to have a real life relationship with God. Now He is my friend that was always there and I love having him with me all the time. Thirdly, because of this class, it inspired me to take over and lead a class. I have called it “Let Us Reason Together,” adapting your inquisitive style and creating a class of free thinkers.

T. Banda, Malawi, Africa

 

Testimony 72

I am blown away by the truth that you present. God’s Design Law makes so much sense! You have validated my impression that, if God is love, He would not kill those who don’t want to know him. If God gives us choice, then how can He destroy us if our choice is not to follow him. Thank you for opening my eyes and heart to the pure love of God seen through Jesus. The love I now have for Jesus is deeper and free from condemnation. My heart has been opened to love others as Jesus loves me. May God continue to bless your God-given insight into His word and your ministry. The truth has set me free!

H. Miller, Centereach, NY

Testimony 9

I really enjoy with you the view of a gracious God. Thank you for sharing the work you are allowing the Lord to do in you.

L., Queensland, Australia

 

Testimony 26

Your teachings about our heavenly Father have changed my life. Thank you sooooooo very very much! I know He’s doing some serious healing in my heart and life and I look forward to each new day to learn something new about Him and to just hear you speak about Him. Thank you, forever.

Nancy S.

 

Testimony 44

We were given a gift of the DVD set, “God and Your Brain,” and we just finished watching it. The truths in this are so powerful and truly an answer to a prayer. We’re seeing hope where once we thought God wasn’t answering our prayers to be free of certain mindsets. He answered with these DVDs and we are hungry for more. Thank you!

Daniel T., Easley, SC, USA

 

Testimony 31

It was very touching to hear the testimony of your class share how viewing God’s true character has changed their lives. My feelings are the same – there is so much freedom in knowing that God LOVES me – regardless of my… just, REGARDLESS! I’m still blown away by the true gospel, the fact that God is not ready to strike us when we fail. He is not arbitrary. He simply loves us and warns of the natural consequences because He can’t stand to see us suffer. I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS GOD!!!

Ceil V.,  UT, USA

 

Testimony 19

I truly believe that to know who God really is the first step to understand ourselves in a balanced and kind way, so the healing can take place. Your approach really makes sense – Thank you for your ministry!

A.M., Pittsburg, PA, USA

Testimony 20

I just wanted to personally thank you for your teachings and insight into scripture. I came across your website via my cousin who suggested I look into “Healing the Mind” information. My youngest daughter has been struggling over the last couple of years and it all came to a head this spring. When I started listening to the “Healing the Mind” lectures my own life began to be transformed. I began sharing with all my daughters the concepts you laid out so clearly. I ordered your book and soaked it up. I just want to say “Thank You!” My walk with the Lord has been refreshed and renewed. Your obedience to the Lord is a blessing to so many.

R. K., Anderson, SC, USA

 

Testimony 10

I personally download and listen to each of Come And Reason Ministries Bible study class lessons and PDF study notes to use when teaching my class. Really appreciate the class especially when Dr. Jennings is teaching. Thank God there are persons like him doing His work and traveling to share His beliefs.

B. L.M., North Plains, OR, USA

 

Testimony 34

I was introduced to Come and Reason Ministries by accident, via a passing comment made in a bible study class we were visiting. I checked this website out and my life was changed. The understanding of the truth of God’s character, and how we apply it, is so right. The tricky part is consistently applying which “lens” to look through. As I began to understand, I started sharing the basics of this understanding with a discussion group I was leading and, suddenly, a lot of things started to make sense that never used to. At the same time, I enjoyed an amazing opportunity. I was able to conduct a full bible study at WORK! What an amazing experience! It is such a joy to share the truth about God and to share how it all fits in the war between God and Satan. So many people benefit when we have a correct understanding about how God works and who He really is! Thank you for this transformational understanding. Keep up the good work! God Bless you!

Tony P., CA, USA

 

Testimony 33

I was invited over a friend’s house to see the “God and Your Brain” seminar today. I became [a christian] 36 years ago at the age of 19, but have struggled with the concept of God taking His ‘pound of flesh’ out on His Son to be appeased. Wow. Your seminar has been an incredible revelation and breath of reason and fresh air! I have your book, “The God Shaped Brain,” and it is SO eye opening. Finally, after 36 years enlightenment has come! Praise the Good Lord! What can I say, but that the Real Gospel is truly “Good News!” Thank you for your efforts in giving the Gospel a clear sound!

Paul C.,  Springfield, MA, USA