Call Us: 423 661-4734 | Email: requests@comeandreason.com      
Should Wives Submit to Their Husbands?

Should Wives Submit to Their Husbands?

My daughter is in a relationship and is hoping to get married, but her Fiance and her have different views on what it means for wives to be submissive to their husbands.

  Also the fiance showed her texts in Corinthians which says that women should remain quiet in church, and if they have a question they should wait until  they reach home to ask their husbands about it.  I know we serve a fair and loving God so I desperately need clarification on why would God gave these instructions for women.

What does it mean for wives to be submissive to their husbands, and could you please relate this to our present time.

CA


Thanks for sending this question.  I receive similar questions from all around the country and I know, on a broader scale, many young people wonder how to find a good match to be their life partner.

First, before we can understand what Paul is dealing with in the New Testament, we must understand God’s original design for marriage, then we can comprehend what God is trying to accomplish in this world of sin.

In Genesis 2:18, before sin entered the world God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Sadly, too many men through history have interpreted this to mean that women were created to be man’s cook, laundry washer, bucket carrier and overall assistant to do what man wanted to do.  But this is a gross error.

Adam was made in God’s image and God is love (1John4:8). The Bible tells us that Godlike love is “not self-centered” (1Cor 13:5). God wanted Adam to enter into, as far as a created being could, the fullness of the love that exists between the Godhead. Therefore, Eve was created to be the object of Adam’s love, someone for Adam to serve, someone for Adam to pour himself into, someone for Adam to sacrifice himself for. Adam could not enter into the fullness of godly love without Eve to give himself to. And Eve was to receive Adam’s love and let it flow through her and give of herself to build up Adam; a perpetual circle of giving, love, and beneficence; a true revelation of God-like love!

Sin fractured this divine relationship and infected the heart and mind of mankind with selfishness. No longer would men and women naturally nor automatically seek to love one another, but would instead seek to put self first, because the heart was now infected with self-interest, fear, and selfishness.  In this emergency circumstance God made an emergency intervention. He increased in woman the desire for relationships such that when two selfish people within a marriage relationship disagree the woman would be more likely to “give in” on the disagreement in order to save the relationship (Genesis 3:16). This emergency intervention allowed marriages to continue in a world marred by sin giving time for God to heal the damage and restore us into His original ideal. But we need to recognize clearly that any subordination of one partner to the other was not part of God’s original design nor is it part of His solution.

Therefore, as we experience more and more of God’s healing power in our lives, as selfishness is purged and love is restored within the marriage relationship, we become more and more like God’s original ideal – true and genuine equality as each partner sacrifices themselves to uplift the other, to promote the welfare of the other, and to protect the other. Any teaching which perpetuates inequality of moral worth or ability in God’s design or service misrepresents God and works against God’s plan to heal mankind back to His original ideal. It is an abuse of Scripture to use it in an attempt to subordinate wives under the control of the husband, because Scripture says:

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:21-25

Please notice the first instruction is for both husband and wife to submit “to each other,” not one over the other. Then Paul goes on to say that wives are to submit to their husbands, but the husband is to treat the wife as Christ treats the church and sacrificed himself for her. Thus, the Bible is teaching that wives are not to submit blindly to the leadership of their husbands, but are to submit to Christlike treatment from their husbands. And how did Christ treat his bride, the church? He led by example, presenting truth in love and leaving people free to think and decide for themselves. Christ gave of Himself. He came not to be served but to serve. He sacrificed Himself for the church. Thus a husband who wants to use this passage to invoke submission from his wife first needs to be like Jesus, putting his wife first, building her up, promoting her welfare, happiness, and dreams, using Christlike methods of presenting truth in love and leaving her free, ultimately sacrificing his happiness, his very life if necessary, to protect his wife.

In my experience I have never found a woman who was not eager to submit to such absolute selfless love from their husbands.

My counsel to your daughter – call off the engagement. Step back and reevaluate her fiancés fitness for marriage. Ask her to define the qualifications a man must possess in order to be qualified to be her husband. Ask your daughter this:  Does she want a husband who won’t respect her individuality, seeks to command her submission, who will use power and coercive pressure to override her God-given identity and ability to reason and think? Does she want a marriage in which freedoms are undermined under the guise of “godliness?”  Such marriages are gross counterfeits to the beauty of God’s ideal for marriage in which individuality is respected and each partner works with all their God-given ability to promote the growth, health, and happiness of the other and each would rather die than restrict the liberty of the other!

When we really love like Jesus loved we, want what is best for the other person, not what makes us feel good. If a woman is in a relationship with a man who mistreats his wife by being domineering, overriding her individuality, coercing her to conform to his will, then not only is the wife being damaged in this relationship, not only is love being exterminated, but the husband is damaging his own mind as well. If the wife loves the husband (if your daughter loves her fiancé), then she wants to see him grow up into the full stature of Christlikeness, which means seeing him love like Jesus loves. Therefore, in love she needs to step back and resist attempts by her fiancé/husband to control her, dominate her, or forcefully subordinate her. The submission of God is the submission of voluntary, freely-given love, serving each other in love. It never possesses attributes of control, domination, or overruling authority.

I pray the Holy Spirit may give you, your daughter, and her fiancé wisdom to know and experience His perfect healing love!

Email me the blog whenever a new one is published.

Donate online, securely via PayPal using your credit or debit card (no PayPal account needed, unless you want to set up a monthly, recurring payment).


cancel recurring payment

 

Want to use zelle instead?
See how on our
Support and Donations page.

Upcoming Events

calendar

Testimonial Post Slider

Testimony 38

Since November 2015, when I started studying Gods word from this God Is Love point of view, my life has been transformed. My troubled marriage of 15 years has been healed and my husband and I are truly happy for the first time in 15 years. Now When I read the word of God I understand it so much better and I can’t help but see Gods love radiating through the pages to humanity. Gods word is living and active and I am blessed beyond measure to be having this amazing experience. God has given me a beautiful understanding of Jn 3:16 that amazes me more and more each day. Thank you again for your ministry.

Helen D., London, England

 

Testimony 70

I have been watching you for many years and have learned to love God with all my heart. I was raised by a loving Christian mother that had been lied to about who God really was, so our religious upbringing was hell fire and damnation. As soon as I was old enough and moved out, I not only left the church, I ran as fast as I could to get away from it. Sad to say, it wasn’t until the past couple of years that I learned and understand who my Father really is and how much He loves me. I understand God’s Design Laws (which make sense) and when I’m teaching my church Bible study class, I’m able to really put to use the things I’ve been learning and Holy Spirit is leading. Thank you for introducing me to my Father of true, pure love. Everyday with Him is new and exciting. One thing that breaks my heart is that I didn’t know Him sooner. God Bless you and your ministry!

Judy Phelps, Reno, NV, USA

Testimony 19

I truly believe that to know who God really is the first step to understand ourselves in a balanced and kind way, so the healing can take place. Your approach really makes sense – Thank you for your ministry!

A.M., Pittsburg, PA, USA

Testimony 44

We were given a gift of the DVD set, “God and Your Brain,” and we just finished watching it. The truths in this are so powerful and truly an answer to a prayer. We’re seeing hope where once we thought God wasn’t answering our prayers to be free of certain mindsets. He answered with these DVDs and we are hungry for more. Thank you!

Daniel T., Easley, SC, USA

 

Testimony 21

I am absolutly on fire with the message at Come and Reason! I can’t get enough! I’ve read your book, blog, and articles. I’ve listened to your Bible study podcasts, your radio show, and your series – all excellent! It wasn’t until the past couple of years that I have I like I’m becoming “healthy,” with more to share with others than just beasts and commandments! I used to be a Bible worker and preached when the pastors were gone until I had had enough. I didnt realize at the time what the problem was, but i know now… the message wasn’t properly focused. Now my flame is rekindled. All of your little examples are so perfect in explaining something “complicated” and making it easily understood! Now I’m trying to shape it into a life changing evangelistic series! Thank you!

M.T., USA

 

Testimony 59

I’m a native Ghanan, but am currently in France for my master’s degree. Prior to this, during my final years at undergraduate studies in Ghana, I was introduced to your ministry and I’ve been immensely blessed by what you share, especially about the Design and Imposed Laws. God richly bless you for that.

One of the first things I did when I arrived in France was to buy all four of your books. They not only helped me, but those I shared them with. I shared the message with an atheist student and I marveled at how God worked mightily in his life. Today this person shares the Love of God with others and debunks theories of who God is not. I want to share what you present in your “Heavenly Sanctuary and Investigative Judgment” pamphlet, because the message brought rest to my soul and I live today as a healthy person.

God bless you so much and your ministry.

Michael A., Ghana

 

Testimony 41

I have been blessed by your ministry. I have experienced personally, and deeply resonate with, the God of love and the beautiful picture of God’s character that you present. I have seen your seminar series on YouTube, read ‘The Journal of the Watcher’ book, used your mobile app, and also listen/study the bible study lesson with you each week. I concur with many of the thoughts and perspectives that you share. I understand your conclusions on natural laws vs imposed law and the legal/penal substitution (incorrect diagnosis). This makes perfect sense to me.

Bless you for all you do.

Melissa L.

 

Testimony 57

You have helped make sense of thirty two years of confusion. The material you freely provide reorganized so much of my life into such a beautiful pattern that has always been hinted at from within, but misguided with my training and what I was experiencing externally. My filipno parents, who were converted from Catholicism to SDA, were sincere and did their best to raise me the right way and I have deep respect for them. However, being immigrants and not understanding the language made for a difficult transition as I was growing up, which also applied to my spiritual growth as I learned the patterns of religion. I have been listening to as many bible study classes and reading blog posts as my time in a work truck will allow, searching for the practical applications of where spirituality and reality meet, and I thank you for helping me find that. You have helped me reach a point in which I can truly say that I love God, that I believe He loves me, and, like David, I delight in His law. God bless.

Emmanuel V., Calgary, AB Canada

Testimony 24

I wanted to thank you very much for presenting your understanding of God. I’ve always been troubled by this question: Why did Jesus have to die? Since my conversion I understood that The Father & Jesus are one, I did not have issues with that. But was there not any other way to save us than for Jesus to die? I guess I actually had a question about God – if He is so wise, how come He did not find another way? I did not see the real ‘beauty’  in the cross. Only when you explained the picture in the medical context, Jesus providing medicine for my selfishness, have I started to finally ‘see the light’. Thank you so much. Your seminar, “Healing the Mind,” are absolutely marvelous & have shared them with my family and many other people, including colleagues at work. Thanks, thanks, thanks. May God bless you abundantly in your ministry.

M. W., Australia

 

Testimony 45

I have been confused for years about what [christianity] calls [its] most disgusting teaching. It has never made much sense to me and for that reason has been evermore empty. I have listened to your class off and on and have struggled determining what is truth, because of the resistance design law encounters in the church. So, I thank God for your ministry. What you teach makes sense. It’s logical and backed up by the power of love. I have never seen that in Christ until now. I am astounded by the insight that is found when we look at God’s ministry through design law. All strength to this message, as I believe it to be the power of God.

Brendon S.

 

Testimony 72

I am blown away by the truth that you present. God’s Design Law makes so much sense! You have validated my impression that, if God is love, He would not kill those who don’t want to know him. If God gives us choice, then how can He destroy us if our choice is not to follow him. Thank you for opening my eyes and heart to the pure love of God seen through Jesus. The love I now have for Jesus is deeper and free from condemnation. My heart has been opened to love others as Jesus loves me. May God continue to bless your God-given insight into His word and your ministry. The truth has set me free!

H. Miller, Centereach, NY

Testimony 29

Thank you for all of your work to correct misconceptions about God’s character. So many people that my husband and I have talked to seem to be against the natural law construct and view it as “errant” and “dangerous.” Having learned more about it through your blogs and lessons, I don’t really understand why they view it that way, except that it means they have to relearn theology they have known for their entire lives. But I’m so excited to relearn this. For the past few years I have been questioning how I could trust a God who punishes arbitrarily and is full of wrath for those who don’t obey His commands. That view made me afraid to “mess up” or “not be good enough,” even within my relationship with God. I really appreciated the point you bring out about God not wanting us to serve Him because we are afraid, but because we love Him.

Melissa H., IN, USA

 

Testimony 53

I was so blessed by a friend who gave me your book, “The God Shaped Brain,” while I was sitting in church asking God to please help me learn more about Him and help me not to be so confused and scared. That was about 2 years ago. Your books have helped me to love God even more. I’m not confused or scared anymore! I have listened to all of your bible study classes and feel like I know the wonderful people that attend every week. Thank you for all that you’re doing in spreading the true message about God and His law of love. God bless you and your whole class.

Elssy P., Modesto, CA, USA

 

Testimony 69

After reading your book, ‘Could It Be This Simple,’ someone was explaining Christianity in a way that made sense to me for the first time in my life. One morning, I simply prayed “I’m sorry and I love you.” As soon as I silently said that, I could literally feel God’s presence and light flood down on me from above and fill me up with love and joy. I sat there crying my eyes out, because I was so overpowered with this feeling of love and joy. It was just so incredible. I hope that more people can read this book and get a blessing from it. It’s really amazing.

Rachael H.

Testimony 5

We listen to your bible studies lessons in our class in Montana. You actually were the main reason I decided to get a laptop, so I can go to your site and listen, read, learn, and print the class notes. I am so grateful to learn the correct view of God and his character. Now, to just have others have an interest in knowing, so I can share it with them. Good thoughts your way.

R. N., MT, USA