Call Us: 423 661-4734 | Email: requests@comeandreason.com      
Should Wives Submit to Their Husbands?

Should Wives Submit to Their Husbands?

My daughter is in a relationship and is hoping to get married, but her Fiance and her have different views on what it means for wives to be submissive to their husbands.

  Also the fiance showed her texts in Corinthians which says that women should remain quiet in church, and if they have a question they should wait until  they reach home to ask their husbands about it.  I know we serve a fair and loving God so I desperately need clarification on why would God gave these instructions for women.

What does it mean for wives to be submissive to their husbands, and could you please relate this to our present time.

CA


Thanks for sending this question.  I receive similar questions from all around the country and I know, on a broader scale, many young people wonder how to find a good match to be their life partner.

First, before we can understand what Paul is dealing with in the New Testament, we must understand God’s original design for marriage, then we can comprehend what God is trying to accomplish in this world of sin.

In Genesis 2:18, before sin entered the world God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Sadly, too many men through history have interpreted this to mean that women were created to be man’s cook, laundry washer, bucket carrier and overall assistant to do what man wanted to do.  But this is a gross error.

Adam was made in God’s image and God is love (1John4:8). The Bible tells us that Godlike love is “not self-centered” (1Cor 13:5). God wanted Adam to enter into, as far as a created being could, the fullness of the love that exists between the Godhead. Therefore, Eve was created to be the object of Adam’s love, someone for Adam to serve, someone for Adam to pour himself into, someone for Adam to sacrifice himself for. Adam could not enter into the fullness of godly love without Eve to give himself to. And Eve was to receive Adam’s love and let it flow through her and give of herself to build up Adam; a perpetual circle of giving, love, and beneficence; a true revelation of God-like love!

Sin fractured this divine relationship and infected the heart and mind of mankind with selfishness. No longer would men and women naturally nor automatically seek to love one another, but would instead seek to put self first, because the heart was now infected with self-interest, fear, and selfishness.  In this emergency circumstance God made an emergency intervention. He increased in woman the desire for relationships such that when two selfish people within a marriage relationship disagree the woman would be more likely to “give in” on the disagreement in order to save the relationship (Genesis 3:16). This emergency intervention allowed marriages to continue in a world marred by sin giving time for God to heal the damage and restore us into His original ideal. But we need to recognize clearly that any subordination of one partner to the other was not part of God’s original design nor is it part of His solution.

Therefore, as we experience more and more of God’s healing power in our lives, as selfishness is purged and love is restored within the marriage relationship, we become more and more like God’s original ideal – true and genuine equality as each partner sacrifices themselves to uplift the other, to promote the welfare of the other, and to protect the other. Any teaching which perpetuates inequality of moral worth or ability in God’s design or service misrepresents God and works against God’s plan to heal mankind back to His original ideal. It is an abuse of Scripture to use it in an attempt to subordinate wives under the control of the husband, because Scripture says:

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:21-25

Please notice the first instruction is for both husband and wife to submit “to each other,” not one over the other. Then Paul goes on to say that wives are to submit to their husbands, but the husband is to treat the wife as Christ treats the church and sacrificed himself for her. Thus, the Bible is teaching that wives are not to submit blindly to the leadership of their husbands, but are to submit to Christlike treatment from their husbands. And how did Christ treat his bride, the church? He led by example, presenting truth in love and leaving people free to think and decide for themselves. Christ gave of Himself. He came not to be served but to serve. He sacrificed Himself for the church. Thus a husband who wants to use this passage to invoke submission from his wife first needs to be like Jesus, putting his wife first, building her up, promoting her welfare, happiness, and dreams, using Christlike methods of presenting truth in love and leaving her free, ultimately sacrificing his happiness, his very life if necessary, to protect his wife.

In my experience I have never found a woman who was not eager to submit to such absolute selfless love from their husbands.

My counsel to your daughter – call off the engagement. Step back and reevaluate her fiancés fitness for marriage. Ask her to define the qualifications a man must possess in order to be qualified to be her husband. Ask your daughter this:  Does she want a husband who won’t respect her individuality, seeks to command her submission, who will use power and coercive pressure to override her God-given identity and ability to reason and think? Does she want a marriage in which freedoms are undermined under the guise of “godliness?”  Such marriages are gross counterfeits to the beauty of God’s ideal for marriage in which individuality is respected and each partner works with all their God-given ability to promote the growth, health, and happiness of the other and each would rather die than restrict the liberty of the other!

When we really love like Jesus loved we, want what is best for the other person, not what makes us feel good. If a woman is in a relationship with a man who mistreats his wife by being domineering, overriding her individuality, coercing her to conform to his will, then not only is the wife being damaged in this relationship, not only is love being exterminated, but the husband is damaging his own mind as well. If the wife loves the husband (if your daughter loves her fiancé), then she wants to see him grow up into the full stature of Christlikeness, which means seeing him love like Jesus loves. Therefore, in love she needs to step back and resist attempts by her fiancé/husband to control her, dominate her, or forcefully subordinate her. The submission of God is the submission of voluntary, freely-given love, serving each other in love. It never possesses attributes of control, domination, or overruling authority.

I pray the Holy Spirit may give you, your daughter, and her fiancé wisdom to know and experience His perfect healing love!

Email me the blog whenever a new one is published.

Donate online, securely via PayPal using your credit or debit card (no PayPal account needed, unless you want to set up a monthly, recurring payment).


cancel recurring payment

 

Want to use zelle instead?
See how on our
Support and Donations page.

Upcoming Events

calendar

Testimonial Post Slider

Testimony 9

I really enjoy with you the view of a gracious God. Thank you for sharing the work you are allowing the Lord to do in you.

L., Queensland, Australia

 

Testimony 55

I was born [into the church], then I left it for many years. 10 years ago, I came back, but I could not take the hypocrisy and the lack of answers to the missing pieces. I struggled, but I did not abandon my commitment to know the truth. God is leading me to the simple understanding of his relevance and I am relearning what the church taught me as a youth… that he loves me, that he has led me to a knowledge of him such as I have never known. He is using Dr. Jennings to connect the dots that are now so apparent and hiding in plain sight!

Dean P., Arlington, TX, USA

 

Testimony 3

My husband is a pastor and I listen to your lesson almost every week. Thank you for helping me in my study life and to help me love the “real” God more.

C. F., NC, USA

 

Testimony 46

Over the past couple of years God has been expanding my view of Himself and His character. Along my approximately 40-year journey, I have often had questions, but was hesitant to voice these and step outside the traditionally accepted thinking, for fear of admitting that I may in fact be eternally lost. In the recesses of my thinking has been the thought – if one blindly accepts (which is widely regarded as “real faith”) and does not question, is this really ‘truth?’ I often find it challenging to grapple with very theological ‘speak,’ but Dr. Jennings has a real gift of explaining spiritual concepts with clear practical examples. The weekly discussions are growing my Christian experience and slowly changing my view of how to live as a child of God in today’s complex world. Finally the whole Old Testament sanctuary teaching moved in my mind from fantasy to reality!

Beverly S., South Africa

 

Testimony 6

I got the book “Could It Be This Simple?” a few months ago and the reading was wonderful and I was fascinated. I lent the book to a friend at work. She is having a difficult time and the book is helping her to find Jesus and I found this very exciting. She has asked me questions and I can see her life changing.

H. S., Australia

 

Testimony 37

Hearing Dr. Jennings’ presentations in person came at a pivotal moment in my spiritual journey that began about nine months ago, when the fault lines inherent in my belief system began to crack under questions that most reasonable people end up asking about God and His nature. These were questions I couldn’t find answers to, and they shook my faith. I was unable let it go any longer and be satisfied. My Christian experience became distant. I was afraid; the fear in me rose like thorns, pushing me away from Jesus. And then someone heard my questions and introduced me to this ministry, and my life has totally changed.

I can tell you that this new, “present truth” message is far grander and life-changing than when I shifted from being an agnostic and then a nominal Christian. It has radically altered my worldview, because it reveals a God that makes sense. It is a revolution. I believe that Dr. Jennings’ message is the final message that must go to the world. If any message could be called “righteousness by faith,” as abused as that term is by the right and the left, this is that message, because Jennings’ biblical message identifies a God who is different, whose character isn’t an impossible contradiction.

I walk this path now without fear. I see people differently, and the Holy Spirit burns in my heart. Many call Dr. Jennings’ message false and compromising, but it isn’t false, because I’ve seen the fruits within my mind and body. It is not compromising, because in this message is the only road to holiness that makes any sense. No longer do I behold a pagan god who is always angry and suspicious. Instead, I behold a God who is freeing and loving, always working for our good, and giving me every reason to love my enemy even to my own death, just as Jesus pleads with us. God is good.

Anthony L., CA, USA

 

Testimony 19

I truly believe that to know who God really is the first step to understand ourselves in a balanced and kind way, so the healing can take place. Your approach really makes sense – Thank you for your ministry!

A.M., Pittsburg, PA, USA

Testimony 39

[This ministry is the] biggest blessing I have ever received! Your DVDs and lessons could not have come at a better time in my life. I have experienced in the past year many difficulties that, if it wasn’t for this wonderful view of God that I have discovered through this ministry, I would not have been able to respond in love and forgiveness. My heart is being transformed everyday by the Calvary-looking God you teach. Hallelujah!! I have tears in my eyes as I write, because my life has taken a complete turn from where I was heading.

I am from Central America. Most of my family is scattered in different parts of the world and all have the same view of God that I had growing up; a distant, exacting, and ready-to-punish-us-with-tragedy type of God. So, I have been translating lessons for my family and, to my surprise, they have also been sharing them with others! I can already see the difference. My brother has often said, “Thank you for sharing, I have never heard it this way!” My other family members are taking an amazing turn from a message of “repent or burn” towards a loving God, pleading to us that we won’t reject him because he loves us eternally.

Bless you for all you do.

Sofia S., Ashfield, MA, USA

 

Testimony 50

After coming into contact with Come And Reason Ministries, I can finally say that many of my unanswered questions have fallen into place. I discovered that my view of God’s Law was “imposed laws and rules” with “imposed punishments” and that this was the major culprit of my many unanswered questions. Thanks be to God for using you and those around you to help us who have struggled with this “infection” of thought. I have now rejected the “imposed law” concept to fully embrace “Design Law”… to look thru “Design Law,” instead of “imposed law,” is a relief.

Viliami L., Australia

 

Testimony 74

Thank you so much for opening my eyes. I’ve been through a lot of ministries that just didn’t show the love of God that I felt he was. You have helped me to begin the process of true healing. I thought I was “too far gone,” now I know there’s hope in Jesus, because he loves us beyond what we can comprehend. Thank you again for all you do. I truly appreciate it and pray more people find you (physical at your studio and through this website).

Dalio M.

Testimony 40

I was brought up in a different faith and have been petrified my whole life of God. I believed that I would burn in hell for eternity. When I was 12 I started pursuing the things of this world, but for the next 45 years the Spirit was always calling me, as I knew there was a God through nature. I could see the vast sea of stars in the universe and knew there was something bigger out there. Five years ago, through a Revelation seminar, I was blessed to learn about God’s character and government.

Then I found Come and Reason Ministries and have come under some extreme pressure when I speak about the ministry. One time a member sent me an internet article titled “Whats wrong with Tim Jennings?” I asked her what she thought of it and she said “I don’t know, I didn’t read it.”

I have always wanted to find out for myself the truth about God, so I stayed with the Design Law construct and have been liberated to understand the big picture. Once we consider Design Law, all other Bible stories and prophecies seem to fit perfectly. It is truly beautiful to see people grasping how God operates this Universe of Love and the liberation it has provided in their lives. It blows my mind to see how consistent Design law is with what our founders believed. I hear statements like “This makes so much sense.”

Tom W., Mt. Pleasant, MI, USA

 

Testimony 11

I would love to have a copy of “Healing the Mind” DVDs to have in my therapy office. I enjoy having clients check out materials to enhance their therapy experience. I have sat under Dr. Jennings’ teaching at an American Association of Christian Counselors convention and respect his work greatly.

K.B., LA, USA

 

Testimony 21

I am absolutly on fire with the message at Come and Reason! I can’t get enough! I’ve read your book, blog, and articles. I’ve listened to your Bible study podcasts, your radio show, and your series – all excellent! It wasn’t until the past couple of years that I have I like I’m becoming “healthy,” with more to share with others than just beasts and commandments! I used to be a Bible worker and preached when the pastors were gone until I had had enough. I didnt realize at the time what the problem was, but i know now… the message wasn’t properly focused. Now my flame is rekindled. All of your little examples are so perfect in explaining something “complicated” and making it easily understood! Now I’m trying to shape it into a life changing evangelistic series! Thank you!

M.T., USA

 

Testimony 27

Your teachings about our heavenly Father have changed my life. Thank you sooooooo very very much! I know He’s doing some serious healing in my heart and life and I look forward to each new day to learn something new about Him and to just hear you speak about Him. Thank you, forever.

Nancy S.

 

Testimony 22

I have found your Bible study class lectures to be very inspiring and useful as I prepare to teach class every other week. I subscribe to the podcast and download your notes on the weeks I teach. The audio and notes are such a great help in preparing. My own understanding of God’s character has grown as I teach the class. Commendations on the thought-provoking and well-prepared material Come and Reason provides. Personally, I get excited by the tie you make between the spiritual and mental/physical domains.

A.A. Corrales, NM, USA