Call Us: 423 661-4734 | Email: requests@comeandreason.com      
Manicures and Spas: Should I Feel Guilty

Manicures and Spas: Should I Feel Guilty

I know that we should wisely spend our money, but I have a question for you: Is it right to spend money on things for ourselves that we don’t necessarily need?

Should we feel guilty when we want to treat ourselves with a manicure, a day in a spa, or whatever? I’ve been told that there is good guilt and bad guilt, how can I differentiate between them?

Thank you so much for your help.


Thanks for your question, so many people are consumed with guilt, and unresolved guilt is destructive, both psychologically and physically as it activates stress pathways leading to inflammation and health problems.

What is guilt? Here are three definitions:

  • Feeling of regret for your real or imagined misdeeds, both past and present.
  • Sense of remorse for thoughts, feelings, or attitudes that are negative, uncomplimentary, or unacceptable
  • A feeling of conviction – of self-judgment mixed with fear of reprisal or punishment, insecurity, and self-recrimination.

Guilt can be broken down into two general categories – legitimate and illegitimate.

Legitimate Guilt

This occurs when we actually do something “wrong,” when we violate God’s law of love, when we exploit another, when we betray trusts. This would include robbery, murder, adultery, ruining someone’s reputation with lies (or even the truth), cheating on taxes, misrepresenting the condition of a car for sale, embezzlement, cheating on exams etc.

Guilt from wrong doing incites fear and insecurity and leads to unhealthy choices. When Adam sinned he ran and hid from God because he was afraid. His conscience convicted him of guilt and he felt unworthy, inadequate and feared God would treat him as his own guilty conscience felt, with condemnation. Likewise, today when we violate God’s law of love our consciences convict of guilt and we experience fear, insecurity, decreased confidence, and fear rejection by God and others.

Because of this increased fear and insecurity, we often, rather than owning our mistakes, confessing our wrongs, repenting before God and setting right what was wrong, instead, like Adam, make excuses and blame others. “It wasn’t me it was that woman you gave me!” We attempt to obfuscate, distort, deny, blame, project, make excuses in order to avoid the guilt and subsequent fear of rejection and punishment. But such actions actually damage the mind as one must learn to avoid truthfulness and live a life of self-deception.

The only solution to legitimate guilt is repentance and restoration. This includes more than simple confession. It includes an internal change of heart desire where one no longer even wants to do such behavior again, and restoration only when such reparation would add no further harm. Such repentance occurs only in relationship with God via the work of the Holy Spirit in the heart. When genuine repentance occurs, guilt and shame are removed as the person experiences a new heart and right spirit. A repentant person realizes history cannot be changed, but through God’s grace, their heart can.

Illegitimate Guilt

But if one feels “guilt” it does not necessarily mean one has done wrong. The more difficult type of guilt to resolve is illegitimate guilt. Illegitimate guilt feels just like legitimate guilt, but occurs when we have not done anything wrong, have not violated God’s law, have not exploited, taken advantage or betrayed any trusts. Illegitimate guilt is always the result of, in some way, believing a lie.

Because illegitimate guilt feels just like legitimate guilt many people make the mistake of trying to resolve it by repentance and restoration. But this never works because there is nothing to repent or restore. Imagine your spouse planned a special getaway weekend to surprise you, but you, not knowing about the special plans, agreed to switch shifts with a coworker. When your spouse announces the special weekend and you tell of the work conflict, your spouse gets angry, upset and says, “See if I ever plan anything like this again. Every time I try to do something for us you somehow ruin it.”

You might be tempted to feel guilty, but such guilt would be illegitimate guilt. It would result because of believing, falsely, that you were wrong for not being available for your spouse’s surprise weekend. Ask the questions, “What is the truth? Did I do anything wrong, immoral, illegal, selfish? Did I betray a trust?” The truth is nothing wrong was done. Therefore, the guilt is illegitimate. Next, after recognizing the guilt is illegitimate, dig a little deeper and ask, “What is the truthful or accurate emotion to this circumstance?” Perhaps disappointment, regret, sadness and maybe a little frustration with a spouse who is so unkind, inconsiderate and so easily blames when no fault has occurred?

If one tries to resolve the situation with repentance and restoration, “I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you and plan next weekend for us.” It only colludes with a lie that you did something wrong and your spouse’s behavior is acceptable. Instead respond with the truth, “Oh, sweetheart, that is so wonderful of you to plan this for us. You are amazing. Oh, I wish I knew about it before I switched shifts. Can we do it a different weekend? I’m so disappointed. I know you must be also.”

There are multiple types of illegitimate guilt and I encourage you to listen to my presentation on this topic. Find it under the “Preparing Your Mind to Meet Jesus” section as Resolving Legitmate And Illegitimate Guilt.

Regarding the specifics of your question, is it inappropriate to spend money on one’s self for a manicure etc. It all depends on the circumstances. If you divert money away from your child’s health, welfare, education in order to indulge yourself, then this would be selfish and all selfishness is unhealthy and wrong. If on the other hand one is fulfilling their responsibilities to God and others then spending money on such treatments is not condemned. Massage and spa treatments have health benefits and presenting oneself in a professional, neat and well groomed manner enhances one’s effectiveness and likelihood of success. So one must examine the circumstance and motives as the activities you mentioned, in and of themselves, have no moral value.

Email me the blog whenever a new one is published.

Donate online, securely via PayPal using your credit or debit card (no PayPal account needed, unless you want to set up a monthly, recurring payment).


cancel recurring payment

 

Want to use zelle instead?
See how on our
Support and Donations page.

Upcoming Events

calendar

Testimonial Post Slider

Testimony 68

Your message of design law vs imperial law is so uplifting and makes so much sense- it is a game changer for me. The fact that Jesus’s death is not a big payment by an angry God is , quite frankly, a relief.

Laura G., London, Ontario, Canada

 

Testimony 59

I’m a native Ghanan, but am currently in France for my master’s degree. Prior to this, during my final years at undergraduate studies in Ghana, I was introduced to your ministry and I’ve been immensely blessed by what you share, especially about the Design and Imposed Laws. God richly bless you for that.

One of the first things I did when I arrived in France was to buy all four of your books. They not only helped me, but those I shared them with. I shared the message with an atheist student and I marveled at how God worked mightily in his life. Today this person shares the Love of God with others and debunks theories of who God is not. I want to share what you present in your “Heavenly Sanctuary and Investigative Judgment” pamphlet, because the message brought rest to my soul and I live today as a healthy person.

God bless you so much and your ministry.

Michael A., Ghana

 

Testimony 38

Since November 2015, when I started studying Gods word from this God Is Love point of view, my life has been transformed. My troubled marriage of 15 years has been healed and my husband and I are truly happy for the first time in 15 years. Now When I read the word of God I understand it so much better and I can’t help but see Gods love radiating through the pages to humanity. Gods word is living and active and I am blessed beyond measure to be having this amazing experience. God has given me a beautiful understanding of Jn 3:16 that amazes me more and more each day. Thank you again for your ministry.

Helen D., London, England

 

Testimony 62

I would like to express my thanks to the C&R team for creating a platform from which people can learn to trust in God and grow. My life is a witness to the effectiveness of this ministry. Without believing the truth about God as you have shown, I don’t know what my life would be like. I had given up on God helping me with certain sins – it was all useless. Given that the scripture is clear and God is so good, how could I have betrayed him so many times? I was a yo-yo christian; spinning up and down. My faith and enthusiasm was driven by discoveries/threats that prophecy is about to be fulfilled. But when I watched your “Healing the Mind” seminar, it was like a light finally went on. I could see God had no plan to hurt me, the danger came from sin, and that He is working to protect me and strengthen me. Thank you for allowing God to use you. The message God gave C&R saved my life!

Antony N. – Hobart, Australia

 

Testimony 29

Thank you for all of your work to correct misconceptions about God’s character. So many people that my husband and I have talked to seem to be against the natural law construct and view it as “errant” and “dangerous.” Having learned more about it through your blogs and lessons, I don’t really understand why they view it that way, except that it means they have to relearn theology they have known for their entire lives. But I’m so excited to relearn this. For the past few years I have been questioning how I could trust a God who punishes arbitrarily and is full of wrath for those who don’t obey His commands. That view made me afraid to “mess up” or “not be good enough,” even within my relationship with God. I really appreciated the point you bring out about God not wanting us to serve Him because we are afraid, but because we love Him.

Melissa H., IN, USA

 

Testimony 10

I personally download and listen to each of Come And Reason Ministries Bible study class lessons and PDF study notes to use when teaching my class. Really appreciate the class especially when Dr. Jennings is teaching. Thank God there are persons like him doing His work and traveling to share His beliefs.

B. L.M., North Plains, OR, USA

 

Testimony 20

I just wanted to personally thank you for your teachings and insight into scripture. I came across your website via my cousin who suggested I look into “Healing the Mind” information. My youngest daughter has been struggling over the last couple of years and it all came to a head this spring. When I started listening to the “Healing the Mind” lectures my own life began to be transformed. I began sharing with all my daughters the concepts you laid out so clearly. I ordered your book and soaked it up. I just want to say “Thank You!” My walk with the Lord has been refreshed and renewed. Your obedience to the Lord is a blessing to so many.

R. K., Anderson, SC, USA

 

Testimony 31

It was very touching to hear the testimony of your class share how viewing God’s true character has changed their lives. My feelings are the same – there is so much freedom in knowing that God LOVES me – regardless of my… just, REGARDLESS! I’m still blown away by the true gospel, the fact that God is not ready to strike us when we fail. He is not arbitrary. He simply loves us and warns of the natural consequences because He can’t stand to see us suffer. I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS GOD!!!

Ceil V.,  UT, USA

 

Testimony 1

Thank you! I love listening to the Come And Reason Ministries Bible study classes and am using some of your notes to get the lessons together that I will be teaching. You always have such good quotes and Bible texts and pull things together to make good sense.

T. C., IN, USA

 

Testimony 4

I’m a youth leader in South Africa. We as a youth group are currently using a lot of the material on the Come and Reason site. Since we’ve started using the material, our youth group has grown.

R. V. N., South Africa

 

Testimony 19

I truly believe that to know who God really is the first step to understand ourselves in a balanced and kind way, so the healing can take place. Your approach really makes sense – Thank you for your ministry!

A.M., Pittsburg, PA, USA

Testimony 25

I just want to say thank you so much for your conversations via YouTube. I regularly tune in to your lectures, “Let’s Talk” sessions, and many others. Through these I’ve found greater depth and meaning to God’s word. Thanks for all that you do and please continue. I’m currently working in the middle of Silicon Valley at Stanford University. I feel like God really has me in the right place right now and I’m sensing that your teachings might be part of it.

B. F., Silicon Valley, CA, USA

 

Testimony 21

I am absolutly on fire with the message at Come and Reason! I can’t get enough! I’ve read your book, blog, and articles. I’ve listened to your Bible study podcasts, your radio show, and your series – all excellent! It wasn’t until the past couple of years that I have I like I’m becoming “healthy,” with more to share with others than just beasts and commandments! I used to be a Bible worker and preached when the pastors were gone until I had had enough. I didnt realize at the time what the problem was, but i know now… the message wasn’t properly focused. Now my flame is rekindled. All of your little examples are so perfect in explaining something “complicated” and making it easily understood! Now I’m trying to shape it into a life changing evangelistic series! Thank you!

M.T., USA

 

Testimony 58

I have been watching your videos in The Power of Love seminar and I must say these have liberated me and have improved my relationship with the Lord. I am no longer terrified of him as I was before following your teachings.

Thando N., South Africa

 

Testimony 50

After coming into contact with Come And Reason Ministries, I can finally say that many of my unanswered questions have fallen into place. I discovered that my view of God’s Law was “imposed laws and rules” with “imposed punishments” and that this was the major culprit of my many unanswered questions. Thanks be to God for using you and those around you to help us who have struggled with this “infection” of thought. I have now rejected the “imposed law” concept to fully embrace “Design Law”… to look thru “Design Law,” instead of “imposed law,” is a relief.

Viliami L., Australia