Call Us: 423 661-4734 | Email: requests@comeandreason.com      
Manicures and Spas: Should I Feel Guilty

Manicures and Spas: Should I Feel Guilty

I know that we should wisely spend our money, but I have a question for you: Is it right to spend money on things for ourselves that we don’t necessarily need?

Should we feel guilty when we want to treat ourselves with a manicure, a day in a spa, or whatever? I’ve been told that there is good guilt and bad guilt, how can I differentiate between them?

Thank you so much for your help.


Thanks for your question, so many people are consumed with guilt, and unresolved guilt is destructive, both psychologically and physically as it activates stress pathways leading to inflammation and health problems.

What is guilt? Here are three definitions:

  • Feeling of regret for your real or imagined misdeeds, both past and present.
  • Sense of remorse for thoughts, feelings, or attitudes that are negative, uncomplimentary, or unacceptable
  • A feeling of conviction – of self-judgment mixed with fear of reprisal or punishment, insecurity, and self-recrimination.

Guilt can be broken down into two general categories – legitimate and illegitimate.

Legitimate Guilt

This occurs when we actually do something “wrong,” when we violate God’s law of love, when we exploit another, when we betray trusts. This would include robbery, murder, adultery, ruining someone’s reputation with lies (or even the truth), cheating on taxes, misrepresenting the condition of a car for sale, embezzlement, cheating on exams etc.

Guilt from wrong doing incites fear and insecurity and leads to unhealthy choices. When Adam sinned he ran and hid from God because he was afraid. His conscience convicted him of guilt and he felt unworthy, inadequate and feared God would treat him as his own guilty conscience felt, with condemnation. Likewise, today when we violate God’s law of love our consciences convict of guilt and we experience fear, insecurity, decreased confidence, and fear rejection by God and others.

Because of this increased fear and insecurity, we often, rather than owning our mistakes, confessing our wrongs, repenting before God and setting right what was wrong, instead, like Adam, make excuses and blame others. “It wasn’t me it was that woman you gave me!” We attempt to obfuscate, distort, deny, blame, project, make excuses in order to avoid the guilt and subsequent fear of rejection and punishment. But such actions actually damage the mind as one must learn to avoid truthfulness and live a life of self-deception.

The only solution to legitimate guilt is repentance and restoration. This includes more than simple confession. It includes an internal change of heart desire where one no longer even wants to do such behavior again, and restoration only when such reparation would add no further harm. Such repentance occurs only in relationship with God via the work of the Holy Spirit in the heart. When genuine repentance occurs, guilt and shame are removed as the person experiences a new heart and right spirit. A repentant person realizes history cannot be changed, but through God’s grace, their heart can.

Illegitimate Guilt

But if one feels “guilt” it does not necessarily mean one has done wrong. The more difficult type of guilt to resolve is illegitimate guilt. Illegitimate guilt feels just like legitimate guilt, but occurs when we have not done anything wrong, have not violated God’s law, have not exploited, taken advantage or betrayed any trusts. Illegitimate guilt is always the result of, in some way, believing a lie.

Because illegitimate guilt feels just like legitimate guilt many people make the mistake of trying to resolve it by repentance and restoration. But this never works because there is nothing to repent or restore. Imagine your spouse planned a special getaway weekend to surprise you, but you, not knowing about the special plans, agreed to switch shifts with a coworker. When your spouse announces the special weekend and you tell of the work conflict, your spouse gets angry, upset and says, “See if I ever plan anything like this again. Every time I try to do something for us you somehow ruin it.”

You might be tempted to feel guilty, but such guilt would be illegitimate guilt. It would result because of believing, falsely, that you were wrong for not being available for your spouse’s surprise weekend. Ask the questions, “What is the truth? Did I do anything wrong, immoral, illegal, selfish? Did I betray a trust?” The truth is nothing wrong was done. Therefore, the guilt is illegitimate. Next, after recognizing the guilt is illegitimate, dig a little deeper and ask, “What is the truthful or accurate emotion to this circumstance?” Perhaps disappointment, regret, sadness and maybe a little frustration with a spouse who is so unkind, inconsiderate and so easily blames when no fault has occurred?

If one tries to resolve the situation with repentance and restoration, “I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you and plan next weekend for us.” It only colludes with a lie that you did something wrong and your spouse’s behavior is acceptable. Instead respond with the truth, “Oh, sweetheart, that is so wonderful of you to plan this for us. You are amazing. Oh, I wish I knew about it before I switched shifts. Can we do it a different weekend? I’m so disappointed. I know you must be also.”

There are multiple types of illegitimate guilt and I encourage you to listen to my presentation on this topic. Find it under the “Preparing Your Mind to Meet Jesus” section as Resolving Legitmate And Illegitimate Guilt.

Regarding the specifics of your question, is it inappropriate to spend money on one’s self for a manicure etc. It all depends on the circumstances. If you divert money away from your child’s health, welfare, education in order to indulge yourself, then this would be selfish and all selfishness is unhealthy and wrong. If on the other hand one is fulfilling their responsibilities to God and others then spending money on such treatments is not condemned. Massage and spa treatments have health benefits and presenting oneself in a professional, neat and well groomed manner enhances one’s effectiveness and likelihood of success. So one must examine the circumstance and motives as the activities you mentioned, in and of themselves, have no moral value.

Email me the blog whenever a new one is published.

Donate online, securely via PayPal using your credit or debit card (no PayPal account needed, unless you want to set up a monthly, recurring payment).


cancel recurring payment

 

Want to use zelle instead?
See how on our
Support and Donations page.

Upcoming Events

calendar

Testimonial Post Slider

Testimony 49

I came into the church at 21, but that is as far as it went. I was so confused about what love is. I couldn’t find it in the bible, because I am not a person that can read between the lines. I have no logic. I have read many, many books; trying to figure out the crux of the matter. They were helpful, but something was still missing. I have become very frustrated to the point of crying out to God, “Where can I go?”  I needed some basics.

I found two books, written by Timothy Jennings, MD, to be very helpful. God showed me that I had lived my whole life in fear. I didn’t even see it. Now, I do. God is so good.  I discovered the “The Remedy”  Dr. Jennings new book, “The God-Shaped Heart!” Oh, I was so excited, I purchased them right away.

I can get rid of most of my books, because “The Remedy” brings the Love of God out so clearly, even I can’t miss it. Now, I want to sit and read my Bible. Wow, what a revelation! It is just simply Awesome! I am so grateful to Jehovah Almighty for hearing my prayer for more understanding! I am so encouraged!

Jackie S.

 

Testimony 31

It was very touching to hear the testimony of your class share how viewing God’s true character has changed their lives. My feelings are the same – there is so much freedom in knowing that God LOVES me – regardless of my… just, REGARDLESS! I’m still blown away by the true gospel, the fact that God is not ready to strike us when we fail. He is not arbitrary. He simply loves us and warns of the natural consequences because He can’t stand to see us suffer. I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS GOD!!!

Ceil V.,  UT, USA

 

Testimony 19

I truly believe that to know who God really is the first step to understand ourselves in a balanced and kind way, so the healing can take place. Your approach really makes sense – Thank you for your ministry!

A.M., Pittsburg, PA, USA

Testimony 52

Your unique way in spreading the truth is what we all need today. Most of us don’t recognize the contamination coming from all the lies and selfishness in the world. Because of our fear of death, we forgot how to live. Lies left and right. I was losing hope and faith, because of so many ideas that are always contradicting each other – so many questions answered by other, more complicated, questions – until I found your channel on YouTube.

You did not just give me answers, you also taught me how to answer new questions that arise in my mind. Now I see things differently. I see God’s mercy, grace, and Love everywhere, in spite of all the chaos that we all have done as humans. I don’t fear death anymore. Accepting the Truth and Love about God is truly a genuine Freedom from all the confusions, sufferings, selfishness, pain, and death.

I just wanted to say, thank you, sooooo much for revealing the real Remedy for our infected life. I have a new hope and now see the world in a different perspective!

Wheinny P., University Place, WA, USA

 

Testimony 74

Thank you so much for opening my eyes. I’ve been through a lot of ministries that just didn’t show the love of God that I felt he was. You have helped me to begin the process of true healing. I thought I was “too far gone,” now I know there’s hope in Jesus, because he loves us beyond what we can comprehend. Thank you again for all you do. I truly appreciate it and pray more people find you (physical at your studio and through this website).

Dalio M.

Testimony 27

Your teachings about our heavenly Father have changed my life. Thank you sooooooo very very much! I know He’s doing some serious healing in my heart and life and I look forward to each new day to learn something new about Him and to just hear you speak about Him. Thank you, forever.

Nancy S.

 

Testimony 14

We really appreciate your views on the judgment and they make good sense considering our free choice.

Anonymous

 

Testimony 71

When I was 9 years old, I remember setting at our devotional table with a hunger and thirst for God that wanted more, deeper, BETTER. I can remember literally crying and pounding on the table, “I know these teachers didn’t mean to give us error. They taught what THEY had been TAUGHT, but didn’t ANYBODY READ THE BOOK?!?!?” It mattered to me then. It mattered to me as a teenager. It matters now as I teach bible classes. It didn’t have to be so hard as I watched so many give up and lay God’s great plan and gift of salvation aside as being “impossible.” Then, a friend sent me a link to Come And Reason’s website. I grew excited. YES! FINALLY! Then another friend told me to stay away, saying her son had just broken up with a girl because she was involved with Come And Reason and that “Tim Jennings preaches a false gospel.” But, AFTER many years of developing an authentic and, dare I say FUN relationship with Jesus, through the Holy Spirit I see this message has been around a LONG time, since the apostle Paul, Ellen White, Graham Maxwell, Ray Foucher, and yourself (though I admit, you’ve made me back up, rewind and replay the clips, and get out my well-worn Bible on a few things.) I’m so thankful I have found LIGHT during these DARK days. I am not alone.

Vicki DiNitto

Testimony 39

[This ministry is the] biggest blessing I have ever received! Your DVDs and lessons could not have come at a better time in my life. I have experienced in the past year many difficulties that, if it wasn’t for this wonderful view of God that I have discovered through this ministry, I would not have been able to respond in love and forgiveness. My heart is being transformed everyday by the Calvary-looking God you teach. Hallelujah!! I have tears in my eyes as I write, because my life has taken a complete turn from where I was heading.

I am from Central America. Most of my family is scattered in different parts of the world and all have the same view of God that I had growing up; a distant, exacting, and ready-to-punish-us-with-tragedy type of God. So, I have been translating lessons for my family and, to my surprise, they have also been sharing them with others! I can already see the difference. My brother has often said, “Thank you for sharing, I have never heard it this way!” My other family members are taking an amazing turn from a message of “repent or burn” towards a loving God, pleading to us that we won’t reject him because he loves us eternally.

Bless you for all you do.

Sofia S., Ashfield, MA, USA

 

Testimony 51

I Love This Ministry!!!!!!! I see first hand how this message is desperately needed, how erroneous beliefs about God and His Character negatively affect humanity at every level. I thank God for your ministry, as I was searching on my own and was discovering some of your same beliefs and was blown away when I found your ministry. I know you hear it all the time, but it is truly life changing. May God continue to reveal His Will to you and Bless you!

Eric S., Sanford, FL, USA

 

Testimony 34

I was introduced to Come and Reason Ministries by accident, via a passing comment made in a bible study class we were visiting. I checked this website out and my life was changed. The understanding of the truth of God’s character, and how we apply it, is so right. The tricky part is consistently applying which “lens” to look through. As I began to understand, I started sharing the basics of this understanding with a discussion group I was leading and, suddenly, a lot of things started to make sense that never used to. At the same time, I enjoyed an amazing opportunity. I was able to conduct a full bible study at WORK! What an amazing experience! It is such a joy to share the truth about God and to share how it all fits in the war between God and Satan. So many people benefit when we have a correct understanding about how God works and who He really is! Thank you for this transformational understanding. Keep up the good work! God Bless you!

Tony P., CA, USA

 

Testimony 72

I am blown away by the truth that you present. God’s Design Law makes so much sense! You have validated my impression that, if God is love, He would not kill those who don’t want to know him. If God gives us choice, then how can He destroy us if our choice is not to follow him. Thank you for opening my eyes and heart to the pure love of God seen through Jesus. The love I now have for Jesus is deeper and free from condemnation. My heart has been opened to love others as Jesus loves me. May God continue to bless your God-given insight into His word and your ministry. The truth has set me free!

H. Miller, Centereach, NY

Testimony 1

Thank you! I love listening to the Come And Reason Ministries Bible study classes and am using some of your notes to get the lessons together that I will be teaching. You always have such good quotes and Bible texts and pull things together to make good sense.

T. C., IN, USA

 

Testimony 18

The Healing the Mind DVD set tarted me on a journey that has changed my relationship with our loving God more significantly than any other study, and brought me to your book and Bible study podcasts, which I now listen to daily, thanks to the availability of archived content on your site and on iTunes.

Anonymous

 

Testimony 21

I am absolutly on fire with the message at Come and Reason! I can’t get enough! I’ve read your book, blog, and articles. I’ve listened to your Bible study podcasts, your radio show, and your series – all excellent! It wasn’t until the past couple of years that I have I like I’m becoming “healthy,” with more to share with others than just beasts and commandments! I used to be a Bible worker and preached when the pastors were gone until I had had enough. I didnt realize at the time what the problem was, but i know now… the message wasn’t properly focused. Now my flame is rekindled. All of your little examples are so perfect in explaining something “complicated” and making it easily understood! Now I’m trying to shape it into a life changing evangelistic series! Thank you!

M.T., USA