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Loneliness: Its Cause and Cure

Loneliness: Its Cause and Cure

Have you ever been lonely? Many of my patients struggle with deep feelings of loneliness. These feelings can be so intense, so uncomfortable, that they become intolerable, and the loneliness spurs people to take all kinds of actions to make the feelings go away. Deep loneliness leads to co-dependent relationships, the willingness to tolerate mistreatment just to avoid rejection; serial relationships, seeking someone to fill the void inside; and various forms of thrill-seeking, pleasure-seeking, and risk-taking just to feel connected.

If you struggle with loneliness, here is a question I ask my patients: Is there a difference between loneliness and being alone? Consider that for just a moment.

Loneliness is not about being by oneself; those who struggle with loneliness will still feel lonely on dates, in groups, with family—because loneliness is about something other than being alone.

Loneliness is a deep longing for something that is missing. It is longing for love, acceptance, validation, being valued; it is a longing to be whole, filled on the inside with contentment and peace. But ultimately, loneliness is a longing for God—for His presence in the life, for Him to occupy the place in our Spirit temple that we were designed for Him to fill.

When Adam and Eve sinned, they broke their intimate connection with God and ran and hid because they were afraid. All human beings since then have also been running, struggling with these feelings of fear, isolation, and loneliness—and we have all sought to fill that void with people or things other than God.

Jesus met a woman at a well who struggled with loneliness. We read about it in John 4:4–26.

Jesus offers this woman a kind of water that if she drank of it, she would never get thirsty again—wow, what kind of water would that be? It wasn’t H2O! It was something else that would quench a deep thirsting in her soul. But what was she thirsting for?

She thinks concretely, only of liquid water, and asks Jesus to give her some, but Jesus directs her to the type of water she really needs. He points her mind to the deep emptiness inside her, to the reservoir in her heart that is empty and that she has tried to fill with something other than the water of life. He tells her to go get her husband, but she replies that she doesn’t have a husband. Jesus affirms her honest answer, saying, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true” (John 4:17, 18 NIV84).

What did Jesus just point out? That she had spent her life seeking to fill a deep longing in her soul—a sense of inadequacy, a loneliness—with one man after another. It hadn’t worked. She still wasn’t filled; she was still empty. She was still thirsty—thirsty for love, to be made whole, to be healed, to have the emptiness in her soul filled. She longed for the water of life that, if she accepted it, if she drank it, if she let Jesus into her heart, then His love would become a well that would overflow from her heart to others. Then, rather than seeking to use others to fill her, validate her, affirm her, make her feel okay about herself, instead of constantly thirsting for affection, she would become what God designed every human being to be: a living wellspring, a geyser of love that bursts forth and overflows to others!

Loneliness is not the same as being by yourself, and it is also not the same as our God-given desire for connection and intimacy. God in Eden, before Adam sinned, said it was not good for Adam to be alone; He created Eve to be Adam’s life partner. We are created as relational beings—to connect, to love, and to be loved. The desire to have someone to be united in love with and to share life with is not the same thing as loneliness.

But if we don’t first drink of the water of life, if we don’t first open the door to our hearts and invite Jesus in, uniting with Him and allowing Him to love us, to fill us, to whisper in our minds, “Well done! You are my good and faithful friend, you bring such joy to my heart. I love you and enjoy being with you every moment of every day”—if we don’t do this, then we will seek people to provide us something they never can; we will seek people to fill the place of God in our hearts. We will seek people to make us whole, to make us feel worth, to value us and validate us. But, until we let Jesus in and unite with Him, we may be in relationship, we may be with people, but we will still be lonely.

No person, no drug, no pleasure-seeking activity can fill the deep emptiness in our souls, because we were built as living temples to be filled by the presence of our living God. Only in union with Him are we complete. Only when He abides within us are we whole. Only when we open the door to our hearts and allow Him in do we find peace; only then does the loneliness go away, for only then are we functioning as God built us to function.

So, if you struggle with loneliness, do the following:

  1. Recognize loneliness is not about being alone; loneliness is about being disconnected from God and longing for the wholeness, validation, love, contentment, and peace that only come from union with Him.
  2. Start out each day (at least 15 minutes) alone with God, meditate on His Word, invite Him into your heart. Take Jesus’ hand and ask Him to walk with you to dark places in your heart—those deeply buried memories, hurts, disappointments, and failures that make you feel so inadequate, that incite fear of what others will think, that fuel the loneliness. Ask Jesus what He sees when you were bullied on the playground, when you were mocked, raped, molested, rejected, or when you were so lonely you looked a porn or hooked up for a one-night stand? See the tears in His eyes as He feels your pain, but listen to His tender voice telling you that you are His child, that He loves you, that He will take away your pain and heal your wounds if you let Him. Hear Him when He says you are loved for who you are—His child, not for anything you have done or anything that has happened to you. Let Him fill you with His love and presence. Ask Him to take away the hurts, the pain, the anger, the disappointment and to restore you to who He created you to be—His living temple—a holy place of love bursting forth to others.
  3. Then as your day unfolds, talk to Jesus in your mind, make Him a part of the activities of the day. Share with Him your joys, frustrations, and concerns. In your mind think, “Jesus, thank you for the beautiful cardinal that just landed outside my window,” or, “Jesus, thanks for being with me in this traffic jam and giving me patience; please oversee my day and my schedule. I trust you with how things turn out. Thanks for never leaving me nor forsaking me.”

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Testimony 72

I am blown away by the truth that you present. God’s Design Law makes so much sense! You have validated my impression that, if God is love, He would not kill those who don’t want to know him. If God gives us choice, then how can He destroy us if our choice is not to follow him. Thank you for opening my eyes and heart to the pure love of God seen through Jesus. The love I now have for Jesus is deeper and free from condemnation. My heart has been opened to love others as Jesus loves me. May God continue to bless your God-given insight into His word and your ministry. The truth has set me free!

H. Miller, Centereach, NY

Testimony 68

Your message of design law vs imperial law is so uplifting and makes so much sense- it is a game changer for me. The fact that Jesus’s death is not a big payment by an angry God is , quite frankly, a relief.

Laura G., London, Ontario, Canada

 

Testimony 64

I’ve been reading the bible and walking with Jesus since I was around 16. I’m 42 now. I’ve mostly been alone in my walk although I went to several churches in different denominations. For the past 3 years God has been showing me His character of agape. It’s been a blessing and changed how I view God and my walk with Jesus. About a year ago I came across the power of love and the principles of design law. These teachings changed how I read scripture and have been such a beautiful blessing. I’m very excited and grateful for these truths. We share these truths of agape, design law and the reality of the principles of the two trees in the garden of Eden with people on Facebook and YouTube. People all over are learning to trust God and His agape design law which makes life possible. Thank you for everything you shared with me. May God continue to bless your ministry and lives.

Bradley M., Hinsdale, NY, USA

 

Testimony 35

I am so pleased with the response your message is receiving at my church from the middle-aged to the young adults. I have given out 100 copies of the first two seminars and there are more request every week. One of my [class members] came to me after viewing the series, grateful and impressed with how easy the message was retained. He had been a Seventh-day Adventist in fear all his life, and felt like the scales were removed from his eyes after viewing the seminars. I am so impressed by the change I see in members who have received this message, we are in one accord. However, I am sadden by the negative response of the older people. I am verbally attacked anytime I talk about imposed laws, but I believe my mission is to enlightened everyone I can. I watch your Bible Study Class on YouTube every Friday night and I feel like I am apart of the class. All of you are in one accord and I am so blessed to have found you. I pray that all of you continue to spread this message and I am committed to doing my part.

Clara S., Westfield, MA, USA

 

Testimony 30

God lead me to your book “The God-Shaped Brain” while I was searching for another book about the brain and then to your interview about your book on HeartWise Ministries [where] I found out about [Come And Reason Ministries]. I’m now devouring the webcasts of your Bible studies. I have been so greatly blessed and I thank God so much for your courage to speak the Truth in love no matter what. Listening to you contrast the two opposing systems (laws) and digging deep to unearth the hidden treasures in the Bible makes me so incredibly happy and I feel very blessed to be part of your Bible Study Group although I live far away. I am just so excited that there is a group of people that is spreading the Truth about the character of God and it saddens me how few realize what our Father in Heaven is really like.

Kessy B., Australia

 

Testimony 16

Your seminars are still inspiring and changing our lives and we continue to share the principles we have learned from you. Your ministry has changed our lives!

E.W.

 

Testimony 37

Hearing Dr. Jennings’ presentations in person came at a pivotal moment in my spiritual journey that began about nine months ago, when the fault lines inherent in my belief system began to crack under questions that most reasonable people end up asking about God and His nature. These were questions I couldn’t find answers to, and they shook my faith. I was unable let it go any longer and be satisfied. My Christian experience became distant. I was afraid; the fear in me rose like thorns, pushing me away from Jesus. And then someone heard my questions and introduced me to this ministry, and my life has totally changed.

I can tell you that this new, “present truth” message is far grander and life-changing than when I shifted from being an agnostic and then a nominal Christian. It has radically altered my worldview, because it reveals a God that makes sense. It is a revolution. I believe that Dr. Jennings’ message is the final message that must go to the world. If any message could be called “righteousness by faith,” as abused as that term is by the right and the left, this is that message, because Jennings’ biblical message identifies a God who is different, whose character isn’t an impossible contradiction.

I walk this path now without fear. I see people differently, and the Holy Spirit burns in my heart. Many call Dr. Jennings’ message false and compromising, but it isn’t false, because I’ve seen the fruits within my mind and body. It is not compromising, because in this message is the only road to holiness that makes any sense. No longer do I behold a pagan god who is always angry and suspicious. Instead, I behold a God who is freeing and loving, always working for our good, and giving me every reason to love my enemy even to my own death, just as Jesus pleads with us. God is good.

Anthony L., CA, USA

 

Testimony 40

I was brought up in a different faith and have been petrified my whole life of God. I believed that I would burn in hell for eternity. When I was 12 I started pursuing the things of this world, but for the next 45 years the Spirit was always calling me, as I knew there was a God through nature. I could see the vast sea of stars in the universe and knew there was something bigger out there. Five years ago, through a Revelation seminar, I was blessed to learn about God’s character and government.

Then I found Come and Reason Ministries and have come under some extreme pressure when I speak about the ministry. One time a member sent me an internet article titled “Whats wrong with Tim Jennings?” I asked her what she thought of it and she said “I don’t know, I didn’t read it.”

I have always wanted to find out for myself the truth about God, so I stayed with the Design Law construct and have been liberated to understand the big picture. Once we consider Design Law, all other Bible stories and prophecies seem to fit perfectly. It is truly beautiful to see people grasping how God operates this Universe of Love and the liberation it has provided in their lives. It blows my mind to see how consistent Design law is with what our founders believed. I hear statements like “This makes so much sense.”

Tom W., Mt. Pleasant, MI, USA

 

Testimony 38

Since November 2015, when I started studying Gods word from this God Is Love point of view, my life has been transformed. My troubled marriage of 15 years has been healed and my husband and I are truly happy for the first time in 15 years. Now When I read the word of God I understand it so much better and I can’t help but see Gods love radiating through the pages to humanity. Gods word is living and active and I am blessed beyond measure to be having this amazing experience. God has given me a beautiful understanding of Jn 3:16 that amazes me more and more each day. Thank you again for your ministry.

Helen D., London, England

 

Testimony 58

I have been watching your videos in The Power of Love seminar and I must say these have liberated me and have improved my relationship with the Lord. I am no longer terrified of him as I was before following your teachings.

Thando N., South Africa

 

Testimony 23

I would just like to add my voice to the many people who, I believe, must have contacted you to express their appreciation for the “Healing the Mind” DVDs. I’ve been listening to your Bible study class discussions for many years and I’ve been personally blessed by your research and teaching about the character of God.

L. G., Oakland, MI, USA

 

Testimony 59

I’m a native Ghanan, but am currently in France for my master’s degree. Prior to this, during my final years at undergraduate studies in Ghana, I was introduced to your ministry and I’ve been immensely blessed by what you share, especially about the Design and Imposed Laws. God richly bless you for that.

One of the first things I did when I arrived in France was to buy all four of your books. They not only helped me, but those I shared them with. I shared the message with an atheist student and I marveled at how God worked mightily in his life. Today this person shares the Love of God with others and debunks theories of who God is not. I want to share what you present in your “Heavenly Sanctuary and Investigative Judgment” pamphlet, because the message brought rest to my soul and I live today as a healthy person.

God bless you so much and your ministry.

Michael A., Ghana

 

Testimony 8

Thank you for the ministry you are sharing with us, it is a real blessing to us and especially to my husband and myself! You are encouraging us to think for ourselves and not just to except everything, without thinking it through, with God’s word!

M.K., USA

 

Testimony 12

I have been really blessed reading your response to the various questions on your site.

K.C., OH, USA

 

Testimony 18

The Healing the Mind DVD set tarted me on a journey that has changed my relationship with our loving God more significantly than any other study, and brought me to your book and Bible study podcasts, which I now listen to daily, thanks to the availability of archived content on your site and on iTunes.

Anonymous