Call Us: 423 661-4734 | Email: requests@comeandreason.com      
Guilt – How to Resolve It

Guilt – How to Resolve It

A colleague confided to me about intense feelings of guilt regarding her younger sister who died ten years ago from a brain tumor.

  During her sister’s illness and while she was undergoing therapy, my colleague was consistently mean, bullying and teasing her younger sister.  The taunting and meaness continued for years and only ended when the younger sister died.

After the death of her sister, my colleague was consumed with guilt and remorse at how she treated her sister.  She has been unable to forgive herself and is depressed and distraught because she will never be able to appologise to her sister and seek her forgiveness.  The remarkable thing is that her sister died ten years ago and my colleague is still struggling with feelings of guilt.

How would you suggest she resolve these feelings of guilt?


In general there are two types of guilt – legitimate and illegitimate guilt. Legitimate guilt occurs when we have actually done wrong, violated God’s law, exploited another, lived selfishly. And illegitimate guilt is experienced when no wrong has been done, and thus it is illegitimate, yet one still feels the emotion of guilt.

The purpose of guilt is, like pain, to warn and protect. If someone touches a hot stove and feels pain, the pain is not “bad” but alerts the person very quickly that something damaging is happening to the hand is instantly removed and the damage stopped. If one is sensitive enough one might even feel the heat of the stove before it is touched and avoid any damage at all. Likewise the conscience is sensitive to actions which violate God’s law of love and result in damage to our minds and characters. When we violate God’s law of love we experience legitimate guilt to alert us something is wrong and motivate us to turn away from the damaging activity. If our consciences are sensitive enough we might even be convicted of the wrong before we act and thus avoid any damage to mind or character.

How do we resolve guilt? Legitimate guilt is resolved by repentance and, as far as possible, restoration. Repentance is not mere confession but is an actual change of heart motive such that the selfishness in the heart which led to the sinful act is replaced with God’s love. This is a supernatural work experienced in union with God via the work of the Holy Spirit. When genuine repentance occurs then guilt resolves as the person experiences the reality that “it is no longer I that lives but Christ lives in me.”

Illegitimate guilt feels like legitimate guilt but is never resolved by repentance and restoration because there is nothing for which to repent and nothing to restore. However, because guilt feels like guilt most people make the mistake of trying to resolve illegitimate guilt by repentance and restoration, but this never works. Illegitimate guilt always occurs from, in some way, believing a lie. And the only way to resolve illegitimate guilt is by the application of truth.

The case you describe is interesting and one of two possibilities may be transpiring. One possibility is that the young woman has confessed, but not repented, meaning that she is sorrowful for the outcome of what transpired, but has not experienced a new heart such that she is a different person who loves others more than self. If she remains selfish in her heart, and continues to live toward others in a self-centered way then her conscience will continue to convict her of guilt for such selfish living. If, however, she doesn’t “care” as much about the people being treated as selfish her mind might, instead of clearly identifying the guilt with the recent selfish behavior, associate the guilt with her sister and thus she keeps feeling guilty about her sister. The real problem being no true change in heart motive has transpired.

The other possibility is that she has experienced genuine repentance and does have a new heart which loves others more than self, but has also believed some lie which is generating illegitimate guilt. An example of some lies that could do this are: “If I would have been kinder to my sister she might not have died. My sister was good to me and to treat her like that I am beyond salvation. I am not worthy. I am no good. I am too offensive for God to love or heal or forgive” etc.

Such lies generate fear, insecurity and false guilt. The only solution to this false guilt is the truth. We are all sinners, born in sin conceived in iniquity (Ps 51:4) and it is only by God’s grace we can experience healing of mind and character. This means that before conversion it is inevitable that we will act selfishly, without God’s grace it is impossible not to. Thus we don’t need to feel guilt for being born sinners, but need to be asking the question, “Am I partaking of God’s remedy to sin.” We also must recognize our worth is determined in who we are, God’s creation, not in what we do.

Finally, one other possibility is that while this lady has asked God’s forgiveness and experienced a change in heart attitude, she has refused to forgive herself because she finds what she has done so reprehensible that she continues to punish herself in her own mind. This happens because of believing the lie that she was actually able to not be this way on her own without God’s grace in her life. It is when we recognize the truth that we are all born infected with selfishness and cannot cure ourselves that we can stop feeling guilty for the symptoms and instead come to Christ for healing. This lady had selfishness in her heart before these experiences with her sister, evidently this situation effectively diagnosed and exposed the truth that selfishness infects the heart, and now, with this awareness, she needs to come to Christ for healing. So I would recommend she reexamine the meaning of her history and recognize it is this history that helped bring to light the selfishness which was already in her heart prior to her sister’s illness and now that she is convicted of this condition is able to go to Christ for healing and restoration. Thus she can be thankful for the experience which helped awaken her to her true condition and then thank God that “while we were yet sinners Christ died for us!” In other words, that God already knew our terminal condition and the symptoms it brings, and through Christ has done all that is necessary to remedy and heal our self-centered hearts!

Email me the blog whenever a new one is published.

Donate online, securely via PayPal using your credit or debit card (no PayPal account needed, unless you want to set up a monthly, recurring payment).


cancel recurring payment

 

Want to use zelle instead?
See how on our
Support and Donations page.

Upcoming Events

calendar

Testimonial Post Slider

Testimony 21

I am absolutly on fire with the message at Come and Reason! I can’t get enough! I’ve read your book, blog, and articles. I’ve listened to your Bible study podcasts, your radio show, and your series – all excellent! It wasn’t until the past couple of years that I have I like I’m becoming “healthy,” with more to share with others than just beasts and commandments! I used to be a Bible worker and preached when the pastors were gone until I had had enough. I didnt realize at the time what the problem was, but i know now… the message wasn’t properly focused. Now my flame is rekindled. All of your little examples are so perfect in explaining something “complicated” and making it easily understood! Now I’m trying to shape it into a life changing evangelistic series! Thank you!

M.T., USA

 

Testimony 42

I am just writing to say that I have been so blessed by the teachings of Come And Reason Minitries recently. I watched last week’s bible study lesson on Youtube and am thankful that the error in the printed lesson guide you use was pointed out and this week’s study was of equal benefit, if not more so. My understanding of God’s nature has been very confused of late and I am so grateful for clarity in this matter. I have never really fully understood previously how a good God can cause bad things to happen and now I realise that He doesn’t, it’s a natural consequence of sin. May the almighty Father and His Son, our Saviour Jesus Christ, continue to bless your ministry.

Laura P., United Kingdom

 

Testimony 64

I’ve been reading the bible and walking with Jesus since I was around 16. I’m 42 now. I’ve mostly been alone in my walk although I went to several churches in different denominations. For the past 3 years God has been showing me His character of agape. It’s been a blessing and changed how I view God and my walk with Jesus. About a year ago I came across the power of love and the principles of design law. These teachings changed how I read scripture and have been such a beautiful blessing. I’m very excited and grateful for these truths. We share these truths of agape, design law and the reality of the principles of the two trees in the garden of Eden with people on Facebook and YouTube. People all over are learning to trust God and His agape design law which makes life possible. Thank you for everything you shared with me. May God continue to bless your ministry and lives.

Bradley M., Hinsdale, NY, USA

 

Testimony 53

I was so blessed by a friend who gave me your book, “The God Shaped Brain,” while I was sitting in church asking God to please help me learn more about Him and help me not to be so confused and scared. That was about 2 years ago. Your books have helped me to love God even more. I’m not confused or scared anymore! I have listened to all of your bible study classes and feel like I know the wonderful people that attend every week. Thank you for all that you’re doing in spreading the true message about God and His law of love. God bless you and your whole class.

Elssy P., Modesto, CA, USA

 

Testimony 36

Thank you and may God continue to bless you as you share with others the intricacies of how we are all “fearfully and wonderfully made”. I must share that you have opened a whole new world to me, and I have found tremendous healing through what you have shared in two of your books, “Could It Be This Simple?” and “The God Shaped Brain.” I praise God for what you shared, what I have learned, and how I have grown and healed! My prayer is that My Precious Jesus will be seen by others in the way I live, act, talk, etc. and they may be encouraged to know He is truly a GREAT God of LOVE, desiring that no one should perish! God Bless you in your continued endeavors to present Him as He really is!

Joleen H. GA, USA

 

Testimony 50

After coming into contact with Come And Reason Ministries, I can finally say that many of my unanswered questions have fallen into place. I discovered that my view of God’s Law was “imposed laws and rules” with “imposed punishments” and that this was the major culprit of my many unanswered questions. Thanks be to God for using you and those around you to help us who have struggled with this “infection” of thought. I have now rejected the “imposed law” concept to fully embrace “Design Law”… to look thru “Design Law,” instead of “imposed law,” is a relief.

Viliami L., Australia

 

Testimony 15

I have been sharing Come And Reason Ministries Bible study lessons with several folk. You have such a beautiful view of the plan of salvation. If we had this message preached when I was young, my generation would still all be in church.

H. R., New Zealand

Testimony 73

I have been truly blessed by your blogs and other resources. They have helped me to see things in a much brighter light and to reason things out better. Thank you so much for your ministry. Whenever I have the opportunity I pass along your material to my friends.

R. Noseworthy, Newfoundland, Canada

Testimony 24

I wanted to thank you very much for presenting your understanding of God. I’ve always been troubled by this question: Why did Jesus have to die? Since my conversion I understood that The Father & Jesus are one, I did not have issues with that. But was there not any other way to save us than for Jesus to die? I guess I actually had a question about God – if He is so wise, how come He did not find another way? I did not see the real ‘beauty’  in the cross. Only when you explained the picture in the medical context, Jesus providing medicine for my selfishness, have I started to finally ‘see the light’. Thank you so much. Your seminar, “Healing the Mind,” are absolutely marvelous & have shared them with my family and many other people, including colleagues at work. Thanks, thanks, thanks. May God bless you abundantly in your ministry.

M. W., Australia

 

Testimony 5

We listen to your bible studies lessons in our class in Montana. You actually were the main reason I decided to get a laptop, so I can go to your site and listen, read, learn, and print the class notes. I am so grateful to learn the correct view of God and his character. Now, to just have others have an interest in knowing, so I can share it with them. Good thoughts your way.

R. N., MT, USA

 

Testimony 60

Just watched watched lesson 10 in the 1st quarter 2021 bible study classs on Isaiah. I want to thank you for your intellectual spirituality; it’s not an oxymoron! From the point of view of a teacher I also enjoy seeing how much personal pleasure you clearly take in not just tasting, but feasting on God’s word – it reminds me of Jeremiah not being able to hold it in! It makes me smile that your cup is so full and overflowing that you make it to Tuesday’s lesson (on a good day). It just goes to show the richness of God’s Word.

God bless the Come and Reason Team from our church here in Great Britain.

Andrew H., Great Britain

 

Testimony 1

Thank you! I love listening to the Come And Reason Ministries Bible study classes and am using some of your notes to get the lessons together that I will be teaching. You always have such good quotes and Bible texts and pull things together to make good sense.

T. C., IN, USA

 

Testimony 28

I have been following your Bible study class for about a year now. I must say I am impressed with how your ministry has grown. I took it upon myself to listen to all your lesson podcasts from the past and they have both enriched me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I have learnt a lot from this class. I have also noticed how the class has grown in spiritual strength. One of the things that benefited me is that now I am not afraid of God. I use to be, but now it has melted away. The second thing is that you helped me to have a real life relationship with God. Now He is my friend that was always there and I love having him with me all the time. Thirdly, because of this class, it inspired me to take over and lead a class. I have called it “Let Us Reason Together,” adapting your inquisitive style and creating a class of free thinkers.

T. Banda, Malawi, Africa

 

Testimony 67

I was introduced to Come And Reason by a friend of my mother-in-law, who gave me several CD’s of Dr. Jennings. The clarity of the message and recognition that God’s is a God of love was so clear, advancing beyond Dr. Maxwell’s message. However, grappled with Maxwell saying God used emergency measures for the fallen world. Now after several years of being a regular listener of the Come And Reasoning bible study class and attending Jennings’ meetings in Dallas/Fort Worth, TX, things are becoming clearer for me. Design law versus imposed law has added so much to my personal understanding of theology. This message has really impacted my work in counseling so many people miserable because they are searching for and trusting human governments to create order and peace or believing in a God who says love Me or I will kill you. I am grateful that I have an alternative view to offer my clients that makes sense. I teach a bible study class on a semi-regular basis and I value the materials that Come And Reason so freely offers to aid me in presenting this vital message. Thank you for continuing to provide advancement in our very limited understanding of a Infinite God that is rational and believable.

Dr. Roger D, Arlington, TX, USA

 

Testimony 38

Since November 2015, when I started studying Gods word from this God Is Love point of view, my life has been transformed. My troubled marriage of 15 years has been healed and my husband and I are truly happy for the first time in 15 years. Now When I read the word of God I understand it so much better and I can’t help but see Gods love radiating through the pages to humanity. Gods word is living and active and I am blessed beyond measure to be having this amazing experience. God has given me a beautiful understanding of Jn 3:16 that amazes me more and more each day. Thank you again for your ministry.

Helen D., London, England