Call Us: 423 661-4734 | Email: requests@comeandreason.com      
Genuine Intimacy – What is it and Can Singles Experience it?

Genuine Intimacy – What is it and Can Singles Experience it?

Hi Dr. J,

What exactly is intimacy? Is it a human need or just a want? Is it just for marriage? If it is a need we were created with, how do singles fulfill that need without violating the design protocol?

I’d love if you could do a seminar for singles/divorcees, etc. We’ve been socialized to feel we must have a partner, but in my opinion, I’m going to be miserable if I keeping thinking I need something I may never have. People keep citing “it is not good for man to be alone”…so what if you never marry/re-marry?

Thanks,

Elaine


You have asked some very insightful and important questions. Many people confuse intimacy with sexuality. But true intimacy is about a deep, abiding, trust, confidence, heart fellowship, such that two parties “know” each other and love each other deeply. Such unity is certainly designed to be experienced within the marriage relationship, which also include physical intimacy. However, intimacy of heart is not exclusive to marriage and can be experienced without physical intimacy.

To open yourself to another, to allow another to peer into the deep recesses of your being, to allow yourself to be fully seen, disrobing your soul for the full inspection of another person, and to experience acceptance, love, and appreciation, to be valued and cherished and do the same with the other is what genuine intimacy is all about.

This type of intimacy is to be experienced between those who know and love Christ. Such unity is how God has designed his intelligent beings to live and what Christ prayed to his Father about in John 17 “I pray that they may all be one. Father! May they be in us, just as you are in me and I am in you.” (vs. 21) We are to experience unity of heart, knowing and loving each other deeply.

Intimacy is a human need, part of God’s design for our being and not exclusive to the marriage relationship. Singles can experience intimacy first in their relationship with God, as Jesus modeled for us, and second in true human friendships. But such intimacy is only safe with those who are trustworthy, those who genuinely love you more than they love themselves. This means, true intimacy can only be experienced by those who are in union with God, just as Jesus prayed. “They will know we are Christians by our love.”

While intimacy is a human need, marriage, in this world of sin, is not for everyone. It is true marriage was part of God’s design for humanity in Eden, but because of sin not all humans are well fitted for marriage. Some individuals actual function better as single people. Jesus, after counseling his disciples about marriage said, “For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” (MT 19:11:12)

Jesus states plainly that some, for God’s kingdom, have chosen to remain single, while others were eunuchs by birth and others by man’s abuse. Being single, however, doesn’t mean one cannot be intimate. Single people can open their hearts in love and become united in genuine Christlike love with others.

What prevents one from experiencing true intimacy? Either one’s own fear (fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt, fear of not being liked) or inability to find another person who actually is capable of genuine other-centered love; of these two possibilities, failure to experience intimacy is almost always due to one’s own fear and insecurity.

Perfect love casts out all fear, and such perfect love originates in God. Therefore, my recommendation is to first get to know Jesus, and based on the evidence He has provided of His supreme loveliness and trustworthiness, open yourself to Him, the One who will never disappoint, never let you down, the One who already knows everything about you and loves you completely. Experience love and intimacy with Him and then, standing on the assurance of your acceptance and intimacy with Jesus, reach out to love others and you will find genuine human intimacy with others who also love and trust Jesus as their Savior.

Email me the blog whenever a new one is published.

Donate online, securely via PayPal using your credit or debit card (no PayPal account needed, unless you want to set up a monthly, recurring payment).


cancel recurring payment

 

Want to use zelle instead?
See how on our
Support and Donations page.

Upcoming Events

calendar

Testimonial Post Slider

Testimony 32

The message [of Come And Reason Ministries is] for all Christians (and those who may become Christians) and not just Adventists or any other group. It is difficult to imagine why any [anyone] with intellectual and spiritual honesty could find fault with the way you explained the healing substitution concepts and the truth about God’s character, though I know some will reject and criticize. On behalf of those in our group near Tacoma, WA, thank you and your staff for all of the hard work and for sharing the Gospel in this manner. God’s message of healing love will be carried to the whole world and then Jesus will come – He promised it.

Terry U., Tacoma, WA, USA

 

Testimony 62

I would like to express my thanks to the C&R team for creating a platform from which people can learn to trust in God and grow. My life is a witness to the effectiveness of this ministry. Without believing the truth about God as you have shown, I don’t know what my life would be like. I had given up on God helping me with certain sins – it was all useless. Given that the scripture is clear and God is so good, how could I have betrayed him so many times? I was a yo-yo christian; spinning up and down. My faith and enthusiasm was driven by discoveries/threats that prophecy is about to be fulfilled. But when I watched your “Healing the Mind” seminar, it was like a light finally went on. I could see God had no plan to hurt me, the danger came from sin, and that He is working to protect me and strengthen me. Thank you for allowing God to use you. The message God gave C&R saved my life!

Antony N. – Hobart, Australia

 

Testimony 61

I grew up in a prominent protestant church and had what I like to call religious anxiety. I’ve always had questions about God and Salvation that no one could seem to answer.  I didn’t know how to find resolution. During 2020, at the height of my anxiety, I fell to my knees and begged God to show me truth and light and to give me the hope that I’ve been longing for. Days later, I stumbled upon your online videos and it was like a veil was lifted and EVERYTHING made sense! For the first time in my almost 39 years of life, my religious/spiritual anxiety has lessened. I feel a sense of freedom and peace I’ve NEVER had before… and it’s all because my view of God has changed. Thank you!

Ashleighn C.

 

Testimony 75

Thank you so much for everything you do! Because of all these truths, I’m excited to be with Jesus! I always pray everyday, “COME TODAY, JESUS.” Before finding C&R, I was always praying for delays, “NOT TODAY OH GOD. I AM NOT READY.” I just need to share more, talk more bout this truth, so everybody will be excited for Jesus.

J C Shin

Testimony 41

I have been blessed by your ministry. I have experienced personally, and deeply resonate with, the God of love and the beautiful picture of God’s character that you present. I have seen your seminar series on YouTube, read ‘The Journal of the Watcher’ book, used your mobile app, and also listen/study the bible study lesson with you each week. I concur with many of the thoughts and perspectives that you share. I understand your conclusions on natural laws vs imposed law and the legal/penal substitution (incorrect diagnosis). This makes perfect sense to me.

Bless you for all you do.

Melissa L.

 

Testimony 33

I was invited over a friend’s house to see the “God and Your Brain” seminar today. I became [a christian] 36 years ago at the age of 19, but have struggled with the concept of God taking His ‘pound of flesh’ out on His Son to be appeased. Wow. Your seminar has been an incredible revelation and breath of reason and fresh air! I have your book, “The God Shaped Brain,” and it is SO eye opening. Finally, after 36 years enlightenment has come! Praise the Good Lord! What can I say, but that the Real Gospel is truly “Good News!” Thank you for your efforts in giving the Gospel a clear sound!

Paul C.,  Springfield, MA, USA

 

Testimony 2

I continue to enjoy your lessons every week. The more that I research your conclusions, the more I am convinced that the Holy Spirit has lead you to distill out the essence of human redemption. Thank you for your courageous stand for the truth.

S. G., TX, USA

 

Testimony 57

You have helped make sense of thirty two years of confusion. The material you freely provide reorganized so much of my life into such a beautiful pattern that has always been hinted at from within, but misguided with my training and what I was experiencing externally. My filipno parents, who were converted from Catholicism to SDA, were sincere and did their best to raise me the right way and I have deep respect for them. However, being immigrants and not understanding the language made for a difficult transition as I was growing up, which also applied to my spiritual growth as I learned the patterns of religion. I have been listening to as many bible study classes and reading blog posts as my time in a work truck will allow, searching for the practical applications of where spirituality and reality meet, and I thank you for helping me find that. You have helped me reach a point in which I can truly say that I love God, that I believe He loves me, and, like David, I delight in His law. God bless.

Emmanuel V., Calgary, AB Canada

Testimony 9

I really enjoy with you the view of a gracious God. Thank you for sharing the work you are allowing the Lord to do in you.

L., Queensland, Australia

 

Testimony 25

I just want to say thank you so much for your conversations via YouTube. I regularly tune in to your lectures, “Let’s Talk” sessions, and many others. Through these I’ve found greater depth and meaning to God’s word. Thanks for all that you do and please continue. I’m currently working in the middle of Silicon Valley at Stanford University. I feel like God really has me in the right place right now and I’m sensing that your teachings might be part of it.

B. F., Silicon Valley, CA, USA

 

Testimony 24

I wanted to thank you very much for presenting your understanding of God. I’ve always been troubled by this question: Why did Jesus have to die? Since my conversion I understood that The Father & Jesus are one, I did not have issues with that. But was there not any other way to save us than for Jesus to die? I guess I actually had a question about God – if He is so wise, how come He did not find another way? I did not see the real ‘beauty’  in the cross. Only when you explained the picture in the medical context, Jesus providing medicine for my selfishness, have I started to finally ‘see the light’. Thank you so much. Your seminar, “Healing the Mind,” are absolutely marvelous & have shared them with my family and many other people, including colleagues at work. Thanks, thanks, thanks. May God bless you abundantly in your ministry.

M. W., Australia

 

Testimony 19

I truly believe that to know who God really is the first step to understand ourselves in a balanced and kind way, so the healing can take place. Your approach really makes sense – Thank you for your ministry!

A.M., Pittsburg, PA, USA

Testimony 55

I was born [into the church], then I left it for many years. 10 years ago, I came back, but I could not take the hypocrisy and the lack of answers to the missing pieces. I struggled, but I did not abandon my commitment to know the truth. God is leading me to the simple understanding of his relevance and I am relearning what the church taught me as a youth… that he loves me, that he has led me to a knowledge of him such as I have never known. He is using Dr. Jennings to connect the dots that are now so apparent and hiding in plain sight!

Dean P., Arlington, TX, USA

 

Testimony 15

I have been sharing Come And Reason Ministries Bible study lessons with several folk. You have such a beautiful view of the plan of salvation. If we had this message preached when I was young, my generation would still all be in church.

H. R., New Zealand

Testimony 21

I am absolutly on fire with the message at Come and Reason! I can’t get enough! I’ve read your book, blog, and articles. I’ve listened to your Bible study podcasts, your radio show, and your series – all excellent! It wasn’t until the past couple of years that I have I like I’m becoming “healthy,” with more to share with others than just beasts and commandments! I used to be a Bible worker and preached when the pastors were gone until I had had enough. I didnt realize at the time what the problem was, but i know now… the message wasn’t properly focused. Now my flame is rekindled. All of your little examples are so perfect in explaining something “complicated” and making it easily understood! Now I’m trying to shape it into a life changing evangelistic series! Thank you!

M.T., USA