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Effective Communication

Effective Communication

Writer Charles Swindoll once found himself with too many commitments in too few days. He got nervous and tense about it. “I was snapping at my wife and our children, choking down my food at mealtimes, and feeling irritated at those unexpected interruptions through the day,” he recalled in his book Stress Fractures. “Before long, things around our home started reflecting the patter of my hurry-up style. It was becoming unbearable.

“I distinctly remember after supper one evening, the words of our younger daughter, Colleen. She wanted to tell me something important that had happened to her at school that day. She began hurriedly, ‘Daddy, I wanna tell you somethin’ and I’ll tell you really fast.’

“Suddenly realizing her frustration, I answered, ‘Honey, you can tell me — and you don’t have to tell me really fast. Say it slowly.” “I’ll never forget her answer: ‘Then listen slowly.’” (Bits & Pieces, June 24, 1993, pp. 13-14.)

Effective communication starts with Listening. Remember to L-I-S-T-E-N

L – Love others more than self

One day a homeless woodworker, who couldn’t afford a faster means of transportation, walked into the city. He eventually found his way to one of the large churches and stood out front and began telling the people who were passing by his beliefs about God.

Evidently he was a very good speaker because a crowd began to gather. But the priests, who worked at that church, became upset, because he was teaching different things about God than they did.

So the woodworker said:

 “Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand…

 “ ‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding;byou will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. (Mt 13:14,15)

 Healthy communication always starts with love. When our hearts our calloused, we DO NOT hear.

  • We don’t hear God’s Word
  • We don’t hear Jesus pleading to heal us
  • We don’t hear each other

 In order to Communicate well we must Love others more than self – we must have tender hearts!

 I – Include God and his methods 

  • Truth presented in love while leaving others free
  • Don’t tell people what they “should” do, or “must” do, but share your wisdom gently, kindly, respecting the individuality of the other always leaving others free to make their own decision
  • Don’t send messages that suggest your love is conditional – “If you don’t do what I think, what I want, then I will be mad, I wont’ talk to you…” etc.
  • Pray for wisdom, discernment “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5

S – Seek to understand before seeking to be understood:

  • Don’t be mind readers, don’t assume you know what the other is going to say, even if you are right, give the other opportunity to disclose
  • If someone you care about thinks negative things about you, is angry, heard a rumor, would you want them to tell you or not tell you? Why? So you can clear the air. Therefore, foster an atmosphere of safety and then…

T – Thank affirm, identify with the other person. Put yourself on their team. Don’t become defensive.

  • “Thank you so much for coming to me with this. No wonder you are upset, I would be upset too, if I thought that happened to me…”
  • Then…

E – Evaluate – yourself and the situation – after you have Understood, after you have Thanked the other person and put yourself on their team, then:

  • clarify, correct and explain
  • when you make a mistake, own up to it, communicate clearly to your spouse and your children you are sorry and ask for their forgiveness –
  • Ron was in his early thirties, married for 5 years to his only wife. For more than half his marriage he had been in Iraq with his NG unit. He had been in combat, seen numerous deaths, a number of his buddies had been either wounded or killed. He was struggling to come to terms with these experiences.
  • His marriage was strained. His wife complained that he didn’t love her anymore. He would disagree, “that’s not true” they would argue. But nothing improved.
  • Ron learned to use these tools, rather than defending when his wife alleged he didn’t love her. He asked her to help him understand why she thought that.
  • She disclosed he was distant, wasn’t as affectionate, seemed on edge and never relaxed anymore
  • Once he understood, he thanked her for sharing, he affirmed her “I understand why you feel that way,” then clarified, corrected, explained and took ownership for how the war had changed him. 
  • Once she understood rather than complaining she began supporting and patiently encouraging him.

N – No late night conflict resolution

  • The Frontal Cortex of the brain is the part that reasons, thinks, self restrains, problem solves, exercises patience,  etc.
  • It is the part of the brain first impaired by exhaustion and sleep deprivation and thus late at night we are more likely to be irritable, unreasonable and say things we don’t mean.
  • It is better to get a good nights rest and then deal with thi issue so say, “Sweetheart, you are so important to me that you deserve my whole brain, not just the irritable mood circuits. Let’s sleep on it and in the morning talk about it.”

Healthy Communication requires we LISTEN

L – Love others more than self

I – Include God and His methods

S – Seek to understand before seeking to be understood

T – Thank, affirm, identify with the other

E – Evaluate – yourself and situation – then clarify, correct, repent

N – No late night conflict resolution

 

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Testimony 23

I would just like to add my voice to the many people who, I believe, must have contacted you to express their appreciation for the “Healing the Mind” DVDs. I’ve been listening to your Bible study class discussions for many years and I’ve been personally blessed by your research and teaching about the character of God.

L. G., Oakland, MI, USA

 

Testimony 51

I Love This Ministry!!!!!!! I see first hand how this message is desperately needed, how erroneous beliefs about God and His Character negatively affect humanity at every level. I thank God for your ministry, as I was searching on my own and was discovering some of your same beliefs and was blown away when I found your ministry. I know you hear it all the time, but it is truly life changing. May God continue to reveal His Will to you and Bless you!

Eric S., Sanford, FL, USA

 

Testimony 38

Since November 2015, when I started studying Gods word from this God Is Love point of view, my life has been transformed. My troubled marriage of 15 years has been healed and my husband and I are truly happy for the first time in 15 years. Now When I read the word of God I understand it so much better and I can’t help but see Gods love radiating through the pages to humanity. Gods word is living and active and I am blessed beyond measure to be having this amazing experience. God has given me a beautiful understanding of Jn 3:16 that amazes me more and more each day. Thank you again for your ministry.

Helen D., London, England

 

Testimony 40

I was brought up in a different faith and have been petrified my whole life of God. I believed that I would burn in hell for eternity. When I was 12 I started pursuing the things of this world, but for the next 45 years the Spirit was always calling me, as I knew there was a God through nature. I could see the vast sea of stars in the universe and knew there was something bigger out there. Five years ago, through a Revelation seminar, I was blessed to learn about God’s character and government.

Then I found Come and Reason Ministries and have come under some extreme pressure when I speak about the ministry. One time a member sent me an internet article titled “Whats wrong with Tim Jennings?” I asked her what she thought of it and she said “I don’t know, I didn’t read it.”

I have always wanted to find out for myself the truth about God, so I stayed with the Design Law construct and have been liberated to understand the big picture. Once we consider Design Law, all other Bible stories and prophecies seem to fit perfectly. It is truly beautiful to see people grasping how God operates this Universe of Love and the liberation it has provided in their lives. It blows my mind to see how consistent Design law is with what our founders believed. I hear statements like “This makes so much sense.”

Tom W., Mt. Pleasant, MI, USA

 

Testimony 7

Ok, so last night I listened to “The Law of Liberty” and “How to Achieve Victory: Freedom, Truth and Spirtual Warfare.” These are both MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITES so far! The logic is just soooooo beautiful. I had to re-listen to them a couple of times. I just want to EXPLODE! (<< we assume with joy and happiness)

N. B., Canada

 

Testimony 58

I have been watching your videos in The Power of Love seminar and I must say these have liberated me and have improved my relationship with the Lord. I am no longer terrified of him as I was before following your teachings.

Thando N., South Africa

 

Testimony 30

God lead me to your book “The God-Shaped Brain” while I was searching for another book about the brain and then to your interview about your book on HeartWise Ministries [where] I found out about [Come And Reason Ministries]. I’m now devouring the webcasts of your Bible studies. I have been so greatly blessed and I thank God so much for your courage to speak the Truth in love no matter what. Listening to you contrast the two opposing systems (laws) and digging deep to unearth the hidden treasures in the Bible makes me so incredibly happy and I feel very blessed to be part of your Bible Study Group although I live far away. I am just so excited that there is a group of people that is spreading the Truth about the character of God and it saddens me how few realize what our Father in Heaven is really like.

Kessy B., Australia

 

Testimony 69

After reading your book, ‘Could It Be This Simple,’ someone was explaining Christianity in a way that made sense to me for the first time in my life. One morning, I simply prayed “I’m sorry and I love you.” As soon as I silently said that, I could literally feel God’s presence and light flood down on me from above and fill me up with love and joy. I sat there crying my eyes out, because I was so overpowered with this feeling of love and joy. It was just so incredible. I hope that more people can read this book and get a blessing from it. It’s really amazing.

Rachael H.

Testimony 17

The blessings of clarity and understanding you and your class inspire me to take from the word of God have impressed upon me so greatly the true, loving character of our Creator. I have found amazing freedom and joy through building a stronger, more intentional relationship with Him. What is new is that this is now a relationship built on love, reverence and respect rather than fear and obligation, and as such my eyes have been slammed OPEN as I am continually impressed by the manifestations of God’s true character in His provisions for fallen man.

T.E.H., Salt Lake City, UT, USA

 

Testimony 76

Warm greetings from Tanzania! I just wanted to take a moment to thank you and your team at Come And Reason Ministries for the amazing work you do. Your teachings have opened my eyes to deep biblical truths and how to live them out in real life. I started following the ministry back in 2018, and ever since, my walk with God has grown so much stronger. I’ve found freedom from fear-based faith and now live with more peace and trust in Him. I’ve also been sharing what I’ve learned, especially through Bible School discussions. Your lessons are so insightful and well-explained that I try not to miss a single one. May God continue to bless the work you’re doing.
Elisha M., Tanzania, Africa

Testimony 52

Your unique way in spreading the truth is what we all need today. Most of us don’t recognize the contamination coming from all the lies and selfishness in the world. Because of our fear of death, we forgot how to live. Lies left and right. I was losing hope and faith, because of so many ideas that are always contradicting each other – so many questions answered by other, more complicated, questions – until I found your channel on YouTube.

You did not just give me answers, you also taught me how to answer new questions that arise in my mind. Now I see things differently. I see God’s mercy, grace, and Love everywhere, in spite of all the chaos that we all have done as humans. I don’t fear death anymore. Accepting the Truth and Love about God is truly a genuine Freedom from all the confusions, sufferings, selfishness, pain, and death.

I just wanted to say, thank you, sooooo much for revealing the real Remedy for our infected life. I have a new hope and now see the world in a different perspective!

Wheinny P., University Place, WA, USA

 

Testimony 62

I would like to express my thanks to the C&R team for creating a platform from which people can learn to trust in God and grow. My life is a witness to the effectiveness of this ministry. Without believing the truth about God as you have shown, I don’t know what my life would be like. I had given up on God helping me with certain sins – it was all useless. Given that the scripture is clear and God is so good, how could I have betrayed him so many times? I was a yo-yo christian; spinning up and down. My faith and enthusiasm was driven by discoveries/threats that prophecy is about to be fulfilled. But when I watched your “Healing the Mind” seminar, it was like a light finally went on. I could see God had no plan to hurt me, the danger came from sin, and that He is working to protect me and strengthen me. Thank you for allowing God to use you. The message God gave C&R saved my life!

Antony N. – Hobart, Australia

 

Testimony 73

I have been truly blessed by your blogs and other resources. They have helped me to see things in a much brighter light and to reason things out better. Thank you so much for your ministry. Whenever I have the opportunity I pass along your material to my friends.

R. Noseworthy, Newfoundland, Canada

Testimony 68

Your message of design law vs imperial law is so uplifting and makes so much sense- it is a game changer for me. The fact that Jesus’s death is not a big payment by an angry God is , quite frankly, a relief.

Laura G., London, Ontario, Canada

 

Testimony 47

I can’t even begin to thank you and your ministry enough for introducing me to the Truth about a loving and merciful God! I have my daughter and her in-laws to thank for sharing with me “The God-Shaped Brain” as well as your website. I listen to the Bible study class lessons on my daily walk. May God continue to bless your thirst-quenching ministry!

Liz H., Port Angeles, WA, USA