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Effective Communication

Effective Communication

Writer Charles Swindoll once found himself with too many commitments in too few days. He got nervous and tense about it. “I was snapping at my wife and our children, choking down my food at mealtimes, and feeling irritated at those unexpected interruptions through the day,” he recalled in his book Stress Fractures. “Before long, things around our home started reflecting the patter of my hurry-up style. It was becoming unbearable.

“I distinctly remember after supper one evening, the words of our younger daughter, Colleen. She wanted to tell me something important that had happened to her at school that day. She began hurriedly, ‘Daddy, I wanna tell you somethin’ and I’ll tell you really fast.’

“Suddenly realizing her frustration, I answered, ‘Honey, you can tell me — and you don’t have to tell me really fast. Say it slowly.” “I’ll never forget her answer: ‘Then listen slowly.’” (Bits & Pieces, June 24, 1993, pp. 13-14.)

Effective communication starts with Listening. Remember to L-I-S-T-E-N

L – Love others more than self

One day a homeless woodworker, who couldn’t afford a faster means of transportation, walked into the city. He eventually found his way to one of the large churches and stood out front and began telling the people who were passing by his beliefs about God.

Evidently he was a very good speaker because a crowd began to gather. But the priests, who worked at that church, became upset, because he was teaching different things about God than they did.

So the woodworker said:

 “Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand…

 “ ‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding;byou will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. (Mt 13:14,15)

 Healthy communication always starts with love. When our hearts our calloused, we DO NOT hear.

  • We don’t hear God’s Word
  • We don’t hear Jesus pleading to heal us
  • We don’t hear each other

 In order to Communicate well we must Love others more than self – we must have tender hearts!

 I – Include God and his methods 

  • Truth presented in love while leaving others free
  • Don’t tell people what they “should” do, or “must” do, but share your wisdom gently, kindly, respecting the individuality of the other always leaving others free to make their own decision
  • Don’t send messages that suggest your love is conditional – “If you don’t do what I think, what I want, then I will be mad, I wont’ talk to you…” etc.
  • Pray for wisdom, discernment “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5

S – Seek to understand before seeking to be understood:

  • Don’t be mind readers, don’t assume you know what the other is going to say, even if you are right, give the other opportunity to disclose
  • If someone you care about thinks negative things about you, is angry, heard a rumor, would you want them to tell you or not tell you? Why? So you can clear the air. Therefore, foster an atmosphere of safety and then…

T – Thank affirm, identify with the other person. Put yourself on their team. Don’t become defensive.

  • “Thank you so much for coming to me with this. No wonder you are upset, I would be upset too, if I thought that happened to me…”
  • Then…

E – Evaluate – yourself and the situation – after you have Understood, after you have Thanked the other person and put yourself on their team, then:

  • clarify, correct and explain
  • when you make a mistake, own up to it, communicate clearly to your spouse and your children you are sorry and ask for their forgiveness –
  • Ron was in his early thirties, married for 5 years to his only wife. For more than half his marriage he had been in Iraq with his NG unit. He had been in combat, seen numerous deaths, a number of his buddies had been either wounded or killed. He was struggling to come to terms with these experiences.
  • His marriage was strained. His wife complained that he didn’t love her anymore. He would disagree, “that’s not true” they would argue. But nothing improved.
  • Ron learned to use these tools, rather than defending when his wife alleged he didn’t love her. He asked her to help him understand why she thought that.
  • She disclosed he was distant, wasn’t as affectionate, seemed on edge and never relaxed anymore
  • Once he understood, he thanked her for sharing, he affirmed her “I understand why you feel that way,” then clarified, corrected, explained and took ownership for how the war had changed him. 
  • Once she understood rather than complaining she began supporting and patiently encouraging him.

N – No late night conflict resolution

  • The Frontal Cortex of the brain is the part that reasons, thinks, self restrains, problem solves, exercises patience,  etc.
  • It is the part of the brain first impaired by exhaustion and sleep deprivation and thus late at night we are more likely to be irritable, unreasonable and say things we don’t mean.
  • It is better to get a good nights rest and then deal with thi issue so say, “Sweetheart, you are so important to me that you deserve my whole brain, not just the irritable mood circuits. Let’s sleep on it and in the morning talk about it.”

Healthy Communication requires we LISTEN

L – Love others more than self

I – Include God and His methods

S – Seek to understand before seeking to be understood

T – Thank, affirm, identify with the other

E – Evaluate – yourself and situation – then clarify, correct, repent

N – No late night conflict resolution

 

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Testimony 31

It was very touching to hear the testimony of your class share how viewing God’s true character has changed their lives. My feelings are the same – there is so much freedom in knowing that God LOVES me – regardless of my… just, REGARDLESS! I’m still blown away by the true gospel, the fact that God is not ready to strike us when we fail. He is not arbitrary. He simply loves us and warns of the natural consequences because He can’t stand to see us suffer. I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS GOD!!!

Ceil V.,  UT, USA

 

Testimony 2

I continue to enjoy your lessons every week. The more that I research your conclusions, the more I am convinced that the Holy Spirit has lead you to distill out the essence of human redemption. Thank you for your courageous stand for the truth.

S. G., TX, USA

 

Testimony 68

Your message of design law vs imperial law is so uplifting and makes so much sense- it is a game changer for me. The fact that Jesus’s death is not a big payment by an angry God is , quite frankly, a relief.

Laura G., London, Ontario, Canada

 

Testimony 10

I personally download and listen to each of Come And Reason Ministries Bible study class lessons and PDF study notes to use when teaching my class. Really appreciate the class especially when Dr. Jennings is teaching. Thank God there are persons like him doing His work and traveling to share His beliefs.

B. L.M., North Plains, OR, USA

 

Testimony 15

I have been sharing Come And Reason Ministries Bible study lessons with several folk. You have such a beautiful view of the plan of salvation. If we had this message preached when I was young, my generation would still all be in church.

H. R., New Zealand

Testimony 60

Just watched watched lesson 10 in the 1st quarter 2021 bible study classs on Isaiah. I want to thank you for your intellectual spirituality; it’s not an oxymoron! From the point of view of a teacher I also enjoy seeing how much personal pleasure you clearly take in not just tasting, but feasting on God’s word – it reminds me of Jeremiah not being able to hold it in! It makes me smile that your cup is so full and overflowing that you make it to Tuesday’s lesson (on a good day). It just goes to show the richness of God’s Word.

God bless the Come and Reason Team from our church here in Great Britain.

Andrew H., Great Britain

 

Testimony 51

I Love This Ministry!!!!!!! I see first hand how this message is desperately needed, how erroneous beliefs about God and His Character negatively affect humanity at every level. I thank God for your ministry, as I was searching on my own and was discovering some of your same beliefs and was blown away when I found your ministry. I know you hear it all the time, but it is truly life changing. May God continue to reveal His Will to you and Bless you!

Eric S., Sanford, FL, USA

 

Testimony 57

You have helped make sense of thirty two years of confusion. The material you freely provide reorganized so much of my life into such a beautiful pattern that has always been hinted at from within, but misguided with my training and what I was experiencing externally. My filipno parents, who were converted from Catholicism to SDA, were sincere and did their best to raise me the right way and I have deep respect for them. However, being immigrants and not understanding the language made for a difficult transition as I was growing up, which also applied to my spiritual growth as I learned the patterns of religion. I have been listening to as many bible study classes and reading blog posts as my time in a work truck will allow, searching for the practical applications of where spirituality and reality meet, and I thank you for helping me find that. You have helped me reach a point in which I can truly say that I love God, that I believe He loves me, and, like David, I delight in His law. God bless.

Emmanuel V., Calgary, AB Canada

Testimony 64

I’ve been reading the bible and walking with Jesus since I was around 16. I’m 42 now. I’ve mostly been alone in my walk although I went to several churches in different denominations. For the past 3 years God has been showing me His character of agape. It’s been a blessing and changed how I view God and my walk with Jesus. About a year ago I came across the power of love and the principles of design law. These teachings changed how I read scripture and have been such a beautiful blessing. I’m very excited and grateful for these truths. We share these truths of agape, design law and the reality of the principles of the two trees in the garden of Eden with people on Facebook and YouTube. People all over are learning to trust God and His agape design law which makes life possible. Thank you for everything you shared with me. May God continue to bless your ministry and lives.

Bradley M., Hinsdale, NY, USA

 

Testimony 37

Hearing Dr. Jennings’ presentations in person came at a pivotal moment in my spiritual journey that began about nine months ago, when the fault lines inherent in my belief system began to crack under questions that most reasonable people end up asking about God and His nature. These were questions I couldn’t find answers to, and they shook my faith. I was unable let it go any longer and be satisfied. My Christian experience became distant. I was afraid; the fear in me rose like thorns, pushing me away from Jesus. And then someone heard my questions and introduced me to this ministry, and my life has totally changed.

I can tell you that this new, “present truth” message is far grander and life-changing than when I shifted from being an agnostic and then a nominal Christian. It has radically altered my worldview, because it reveals a God that makes sense. It is a revolution. I believe that Dr. Jennings’ message is the final message that must go to the world. If any message could be called “righteousness by faith,” as abused as that term is by the right and the left, this is that message, because Jennings’ biblical message identifies a God who is different, whose character isn’t an impossible contradiction.

I walk this path now without fear. I see people differently, and the Holy Spirit burns in my heart. Many call Dr. Jennings’ message false and compromising, but it isn’t false, because I’ve seen the fruits within my mind and body. It is not compromising, because in this message is the only road to holiness that makes any sense. No longer do I behold a pagan god who is always angry and suspicious. Instead, I behold a God who is freeing and loving, always working for our good, and giving me every reason to love my enemy even to my own death, just as Jesus pleads with us. God is good.

Anthony L., CA, USA

 

Testimony 72

I am blown away by the truth that you present. God’s Design Law makes so much sense! You have validated my impression that, if God is love, He would not kill those who don’t want to know him. If God gives us choice, then how can He destroy us if our choice is not to follow him. Thank you for opening my eyes and heart to the pure love of God seen through Jesus. The love I now have for Jesus is deeper and free from condemnation. My heart has been opened to love others as Jesus loves me. May God continue to bless your God-given insight into His word and your ministry. The truth has set me free!

H. Miller, Centereach, NY

Testimony 14

We really appreciate your views on the judgment and they make good sense considering our free choice.

Anonymous

 

Testimony 59

I’m a native Ghanan, but am currently in France for my master’s degree. Prior to this, during my final years at undergraduate studies in Ghana, I was introduced to your ministry and I’ve been immensely blessed by what you share, especially about the Design and Imposed Laws. God richly bless you for that.

One of the first things I did when I arrived in France was to buy all four of your books. They not only helped me, but those I shared them with. I shared the message with an atheist student and I marveled at how God worked mightily in his life. Today this person shares the Love of God with others and debunks theories of who God is not. I want to share what you present in your “Heavenly Sanctuary and Investigative Judgment” pamphlet, because the message brought rest to my soul and I live today as a healthy person.

God bless you so much and your ministry.

Michael A., Ghana

 

Testimony 50

After coming into contact with Come And Reason Ministries, I can finally say that many of my unanswered questions have fallen into place. I discovered that my view of God’s Law was “imposed laws and rules” with “imposed punishments” and that this was the major culprit of my many unanswered questions. Thanks be to God for using you and those around you to help us who have struggled with this “infection” of thought. I have now rejected the “imposed law” concept to fully embrace “Design Law”… to look thru “Design Law,” instead of “imposed law,” is a relief.

Viliami L., Australia

 

Testimony 53

I was so blessed by a friend who gave me your book, “The God Shaped Brain,” while I was sitting in church asking God to please help me learn more about Him and help me not to be so confused and scared. That was about 2 years ago. Your books have helped me to love God even more. I’m not confused or scared anymore! I have listened to all of your bible study classes and feel like I know the wonderful people that attend every week. Thank you for all that you’re doing in spreading the true message about God and His law of love. God bless you and your whole class.

Elssy P., Modesto, CA, USA