Does God Choose Our Life Partner?
August 1, 2010 Blogs, Family and Relationship Health by: Tim Jennings, M.D.

Is it true that God has created one person for each of us? what if i miss out on him and marry someone else, what happens then?

how do I know that such and such person if the right one for me? I know that we should bring these matters to God in prayer, but how does He answer? Many at times I’ve found that guys like to marry ladies who look very good. They should have everything perfect. Not everyone is perfect, so does that mean some will not be able to ever marry? Does God decide who should and shouldn’t get married?

Second only to our decision to surrender our lives to God, is our decision of life partner. As I travel I find people of all ages struggling with the very questions you have asked, so thank you for sending them.

God has designed human beings for relationship. In Eden God looked upon Adam and said it was not good for Adam to be alone and God created a partner specifically for Adam. Eve was created as Adam’s helper to help Adam enter into greater depths of Godlike love by providing someone for Adam to serve. Eve was Adam’s “second self” a being of equal worth, value, intelligence, and to whom Adam was to pour himself upon in humble love and service. Eve was to receive Adam’s love and respond with equal love, service and giving of herself to uplift Adam. Thus God’s design for mankind was the perfect intercourse of other-centered love revealing the love of the Godhead.

God’s creation of Eve is the only inspired recording we have of God specifically creating a marriage partner for someone. This means that God does not create “one” specific person for every one of us. While God’s design for marriage has not changed, mankind has been changed by sin. Our hearts are not perfect and we suffer from many defects that sin has brought upon the race. This means we must be careful in our selection of a life partner.

Not all persons are well suited to spend their lives together, even if both are genuinely surrendered to God. Therefore, some persons will find greater joy, peace, contentment and usefulness in God’s cause as single persons. This is no sin, but a wise choice exercised by those who know themselves well.  Others however, function better with a healthy marriage relationship, and finding a compatible partner is critical.

Because God has not created “one” specific person for each of us we don’t need to worry about “missing out” on that “one special person.” In this world there are many individuals with whom we can form a long term, loving, healthy and compatible relationship. So, don’t live in fear of “missing” the “only one.”

Healthy relationships require healthy people. Therefore, the first step in pursuing a marriage partner is to ensure you are the most spiritually mature person you can be. Instead of praying, “God help me find the person you would have be my spouse,” pray, “God, help me become the person you would have me be, capable of loving my spouse as you have loved me.” Once you have honestly dealt with step one, then you are ready to move on to step two.

How to tell who is “right” to marry? Another way to say it, how can I know if a particular person is well suited to be my life partner? By examining the evidence of their qualifications to be your life partner. And this is the purpose of dating. Dating is not for the purpose of getting someone to like you. Dating is for the purpose of evaluating whether the other person is qualified to be your life partner.

Jesus said, “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45).

What this means is that each of us reveal in our actions and deeds the true nature of our hearts. Therefore, the wise person in the dating process does not date based on how the other person makes them feel, but with their good judgment involved evaluating the quality of character revealed and the general compatibility of interests, values and future goals.

If you were in charge of hiring for your company, upon what would you base your hiring decisions? Would it not be on the qualifications of the applicants?

What is more important to your life, employees at your firm or your life partner? Upon what factors are you deciding who will be your life partner? Have you determined the qualifications necessary for someone to be your life partner? If not you are not ready to date or pursue marriage.

Step two is stepping back and making a list of qualifications a person MUST possess in order to be qualified as your life partner. This list is only composed of non-negotiable elements, items that you could not live without. For instance, in order to be qualified as your life partner a person must genuinely like you for who you are. If they don’t like you for who you are, but are trying to change you, then they are not qualified. Another qualification is that the person we marry MUST be attractive to us. No one will be happy in a marriage with someone they don’t find attractive, but physical attraction alone is not enough to qualify someone for life partnership.

So, prayerfully prepare yourself to be the healthiest person you can be to love your future spouse, then make a list of qualifications a person must possess in order to be your life partner. Finally, with this list in mind begin the dating process, observe the person you are dating, allow them to reveal their true self over time, prayerfully reflect upon the evidence they reveal, gather input from the observations of trusted family and friends and then you, not God, must choose who you will marry.

In the process always keep your heart humble before God, asking Him to enlighten your mind to see the evidence and true qualities of the person you are dating, and then choose to act based upon those facts.

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Tim Jennings, M.D. Timothy R. Jennings, M.D., is a board-certified psychiatrist, master psychopharmacologist, Distinguished Life Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, Fellow of the Southern Psychiatric Association, and an international speaker. He served as president of the Southern and Tennessee Psychiatric Associations and is president and founder of Come and Reason Ministries. Dr. Jennings has authored many books, including The God-Shaped Brain, The God-Shaped Heart, and The Aging Brain.
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