Love and Boundaries

Love and Boundaries

I have been blessed by your seminar on “Healing the Mind.”  Redefining the definition of unconditional love in light of the law of liberty raises questions in my mind about what our responsibility is to each other.

What is the difference in loving like God does, (continually giving, loving enough to let us choose to kill Him) and having poor boundaries in dysfunctional relationships, which enable destructive behavior?

DT


As I travel and speak the issue you have raised is one many people struggle with, so thanks for your excellent question.

Godlike love is the principle of beneficence, other-centered orientation, giving, self-sacrifice for the good of others. What this means is simply that, stemming from a love relationship with God, we have in our heart the best interest of the other person and it is this motive that directs our actions. We want to do what will benefit them the most from the perspective of their eternal, not merely temporal, best interest. This, therefore means we do not merely give what the other person wants but give what is actual best for them.

What is the “loving” response from a parent when their child wants to watch TV instead of doing homework? If we are thinking what is best for the child the answer is no. And this is not just focused on the temporal benefits of getting good grades in school, but on character development, helping the child develop self-governance, self-discipline and the ability to sacrifice immediate rewards for long term good. Such decision making is thinking of their eternal welfare and is genuinely loving.

However, if we are thinking of self, if we are afraid of how the child might respond, if we somehow need the child to approve of us, like us, validate us, if we need to get something from the child rather than give to the child what is best for them, then we might give into to their request so that we can get what we want – their approval of us. Then we tell ourselves we are being selfless and giving and loving to our child, but this is a lie. The loving course of action is to do what is best for the child, not necessarily what they want, even if the child gets upset with us for doing so.

This principle is applied in all human relationships. If your husband has alcohol problems and asks you to buy him beer, what is the loving response? To do what he wants or to, in love, say “I love you and because I love you I cannot assist in your self-destruction. I will do everything in my power for your good, your health, your welfare but I cannot and will not assist you in destroying yourself.”

Imagine a teenage girl out on her first date and the young man tries to violate her virtue. He might even say “if you loved me you would….” Now obviously we all recognize the right choice is to say no, but why is that the right choice. Often the answer is, “Because giving in breaks God’s commandment” “Because giving in is wrong” “Because it would violate my body – the spiritual temple”. While all of these answers are true if we were to apply the law of love what answer would we give? What is truly best for the young man? Is it in the spiritual best interest of the young man for the girl to say yes to his desires? No, not only is it right in honoring God to say no to him, not only is it right in maintaining her own virtue, but if she loves the young man, if she is concerned with his eternal destiny the answer is “No, I care too much about you, your character, your mind, your spiritual development, your eternal destiny, such an act would damage you and I can’t go along with that.”

Therefore, when we love others as God loves we don’t simply give what others want we use our God given judgment, enlightened by the Holy Spirit, to choose to use our energies and resources to be a blessing to others, to lift them up, to help them grow, to assist them in experiencing full healing of heart and mind and character to be like Jesus. And often this means we, in love, say no.

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Testimony 39

[This ministry is the] biggest blessing I have ever received! Your DVDs and lessons could not have come at a better time in my life. I have experienced in the past year many difficulties that, if it wasn’t for this wonderful view of God that I have discovered through this ministry, I would not have been able to respond in love and forgiveness. My heart is being transformed everyday by the Calvary-looking God you teach. Hallelujah!! I have tears in my eyes as I write, because my life has taken a complete turn from where I was heading.

I am from Central America. Most of my family is scattered in different parts of the world and all have the same view of God that I had growing up; a distant, exacting, and ready-to-punish-us-with-tragedy type of God. So, I have been translating lessons for my family and, to my surprise, they have also been sharing them with others! I can already see the difference. My brother has often said, “Thank you for sharing, I have never heard it this way!” My other family members are taking an amazing turn from a message of “repent or burn” towards a loving God, pleading to us that we won’t reject him because he loves us eternally.

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Testimony 57

You have helped make sense of thirty two years of confusion. The material you freely provide reorganized so much of my life into such a beautiful pattern that has always been hinted at from within, but misguided with my training and what I was experiencing externally. My filipno parents, who were converted from Catholicism to SDA, were sincere and did their best to raise me the right way and I have deep respect for them. However, being immigrants and not understanding the language made for a difficult transition as I was growing up, which also applied to my spiritual growth as I learned the patterns of religion. I have been listening to as many bible study classes and reading blog posts as my time in a work truck will allow, searching for the practical applications of where spirituality and reality meet, and I thank you for helping me find that. You have helped me reach a point in which I can truly say that I love God, that I believe He loves me, and, like David, I delight in His law. God bless.

Emmanuel V., Calgary, AB Canada

Testimony 50

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Testimony 37

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I can tell you that this new, “present truth” message is far grander and life-changing than when I shifted from being an agnostic and then a nominal Christian. It has radically altered my worldview, because it reveals a God that makes sense. It is a revolution. I believe that Dr. Jennings’ message is the final message that must go to the world. If any message could be called “righteousness by faith,” as abused as that term is by the right and the left, this is that message, because Jennings’ biblical message identifies a God who is different, whose character isn’t an impossible contradiction.

I walk this path now without fear. I see people differently, and the Holy Spirit burns in my heart. Many call Dr. Jennings’ message false and compromising, but it isn’t false, because I’ve seen the fruits within my mind and body. It is not compromising, because in this message is the only road to holiness that makes any sense. No longer do I behold a pagan god who is always angry and suspicious. Instead, I behold a God who is freeing and loving, always working for our good, and giving me every reason to love my enemy even to my own death, just as Jesus pleads with us. God is good.

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Testimony 72

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Testimony 64

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Testimony 33

I was invited over a friend’s house to see the “God and Your Brain” seminar today. I became [a christian] 36 years ago at the age of 19, but have struggled with the concept of God taking His ‘pound of flesh’ out on His Son to be appeased. Wow. Your seminar has been an incredible revelation and breath of reason and fresh air! I have your book, “The God Shaped Brain,” and it is SO eye opening. Finally, after 36 years enlightenment has come! Praise the Good Lord! What can I say, but that the Real Gospel is truly “Good News!” Thank you for your efforts in giving the Gospel a clear sound!

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Testimony 22

I have found your Bible study class lectures to be very inspiring and useful as I prepare to teach class every other week. I subscribe to the podcast and download your notes on the weeks I teach. The audio and notes are such a great help in preparing. My own understanding of God’s character has grown as I teach the class. Commendations on the thought-provoking and well-prepared material Come and Reason provides. Personally, I get excited by the tie you make between the spiritual and mental/physical domains.

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Testimony 27

Your teachings about our heavenly Father have changed my life. Thank you sooooooo very very much! I know He’s doing some serious healing in my heart and life and I look forward to each new day to learn something new about Him and to just hear you speak about Him. Thank you, forever.

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Testimony 24

I wanted to thank you very much for presenting your understanding of God. I’ve always been troubled by this question: Why did Jesus have to die? Since my conversion I understood that The Father & Jesus are one, I did not have issues with that. But was there not any other way to save us than for Jesus to die? I guess I actually had a question about God – if He is so wise, how come He did not find another way? I did not see the real ‘beauty’  in the cross. Only when you explained the picture in the medical context, Jesus providing medicine for my selfishness, have I started to finally ‘see the light’. Thank you so much. Your seminar, “Healing the Mind,” are absolutely marvelous & have shared them with my family and many other people, including colleagues at work. Thanks, thanks, thanks. May God bless you abundantly in your ministry.

M. W., Australia

 

Testimony 49

I came into the church at 21, but that is as far as it went. I was so confused about what love is. I couldn’t find it in the bible, because I am not a person that can read between the lines. I have no logic. I have read many, many books; trying to figure out the crux of the matter. They were helpful, but something was still missing. I have become very frustrated to the point of crying out to God, “Where can I go?”  I needed some basics.

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Testimony 9

I really enjoy with you the view of a gracious God. Thank you for sharing the work you are allowing the Lord to do in you.

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Testimony 14

We really appreciate your views on the judgment and they make good sense considering our free choice.

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Testimony 42

I am just writing to say that I have been so blessed by the teachings of Come And Reason Minitries recently. I watched last week’s bible study lesson on Youtube and am thankful that the error in the printed lesson guide you use was pointed out and this week’s study was of equal benefit, if not more so. My understanding of God’s nature has been very confused of late and I am so grateful for clarity in this matter. I have never really fully understood previously how a good God can cause bad things to happen and now I realise that He doesn’t, it’s a natural consequence of sin. May the almighty Father and His Son, our Saviour Jesus Christ, continue to bless your ministry.

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Testimony 19

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